Simon and Dannii’s Hidden Romance Revealed… OOH-AHHHH

Simon Cowell and Dannii MinogueOutside it’s dark, it’s dingy, the heatwave has tumbled away, huffing and puffing, tail between its legs and well, everything is just a little bit bland. The passing traffic looks exhausted and the birds can’t even be arsed to chirp anymore. What we need is some excitement. And, like in every other situation, what we can’t find any in our own humdrum lives, we find refuge in celebrities and all the pickles they get themselves into. But, when celebrity news begins to get boring, you can always rely on Simon Cowell to pull something out of the bag, kind of like an unassuming old man on BGT who ice skates in flip-flops (stranger things have happened, i.e. Boyle).


Yes, if you don’t already know (in which case, you must’ve been living under a rock for the past week), our very own ex X Factor judges Simon Cowell and Dannii Minogue had an alleged secret romance during the filming of their last X Factor series together. Gaspin’ ‘ell!


So, the moral is that, when all else fails, rely on Cowell’s parting to get you through your day. Funnily enough, or not so funny at all, it’s not Cowell that’s been receiving the constant questioning about this, but Minogue, who is reported as being ‘distraught’ after the release of a ‘tell-all’ book revealing Cowell’s life. Of course, Cowell being ever the gent described it as ‘a few bonks that petered out’. Lovely. Affection is surely wasted on that man. And it seems that that’s enough for all those interested as, when Cowell is involved, no secret romance is a scandal. Unfortunately, Dannii being the better of the two has to suffer the brunt because, well, because she’s the better of the two. Hardly fair, but oh well, it seems like this is just Cowell’s world that everyone else has to endure, something I’m sure the British public have become all too familiar with every. bloody. Saturday. night.


To be honest, it may be all very ooh-ahh and Cowell may feel like this is just another segment of his life in which he can ponce around with that same smug smile and go home and ‘enjoy’ himself in front of the mirror, congratulating his parting for being such a player, but in retrospect, he’s the loser. Minogue quickly went on her way to marry gorgeous model, Kris Smith, who is everything Cowell is not, in looks, manner, and likeability (of which Cowell has a rare disorder of being a middle-aged little s**t).


Hmm… maybe Dannii is trying to tell you something with her selection of Kris, Simon? Perhaps be a little more realistic and see that you’re much less a player, and more of a place-holder.


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