Valentine’s Day can be a great day to celebrate but if you’re jealous or with a partner who is—it can be a day that you’d just as soon banish from the calendar.
Here’s the problem with jealousy and Valentine’s Day and one of the reasons why it spells disaster for couples with jealousy issues…
Valentine’s Day is a day for lovers to express their love for each other in ways that may be a little out of the ordinary. There are expectations of a special dinner, flowers, candy, or at the very least, a mushy card—something to show that you’re “special” on this special day.
If either one of you is struggling with jealousy, it’s pretty difficult to put all of that aside and play along that everything’s okay. Seeing all of this expression of love everywhere that the two of you aren’t feeling right now is rubbing salt in the wound.
There are so many expectations about this one day that even if you didn’t have jealousy in your life, it can really create problems.
Here are 3 ways to stop jealousy from ruining Valentine’s Day for both of you (this is assuming that cheating isn’t going on and if it is you have to deal with that no matter what day it is!)…
1. Stop comparing yourself and your partner to anyone else
Just for this one day, take your focus away from comparing yourself or your partner to other people.
When you think of how attractive your partner’s co-worker is, how un-attractive you feel or how jealous your partner gets…
Take a deep breath and bring your mind back into what you’re doing and the present moment.
Whenever you’re tempted to put yourself or your partner down in your mind, just say “stop” and mean it.
2. Talk about what might be fun to do
Calmly talk to each other about what you’d both like to do to celebrate Valentine’s Day.
Before you can do this, you have to figure out what you want and then how to express it.
If you feel like it’s difficult to go within yourself and determine what it is that you really want or to express it, we suggest that you turn your attention to one thing that you’d like instead of focusing on your fears of what your partner may do or say or how they will react.
Do you want a quiet evening at home—just the two of you? Do you want a truce and a moratorium on the arguments you’ve been having so you can have a nice dinner in a restaurant? Do you want to laugh together at a funny movie?
We know that it can take courage to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about what you’d like for this one day. But if you do, you’ll see changes that live long past this holiday.
3. Find ways to treat your partner and yourself special on this one day
This may sound pretty far out there right now but it’s time to put down your defenses and your thoughts that separate you—and just treat each other with kindness and love.
Find one way to connect that maybe you used to do but haven’t for awhile.
It might be stopping yourself from letting your mind make up stories that you know aren’t true.
It might be stopping yourself from saying something nasty that you later regret.
It might be smiling at your partner instead of withdrawing.
Whatever it is, do something today that you haven’t done in a long while that will bring the two of you closer together and just maybe you can make every day a Valentine’s Day that’s filled with love.