Advice versus Judgement

female friendsIt was Saturday night and the game of beer pong was in full force. The shots had turned into triples, the glasses grew into pints. Alcohol affects everyone in different ways, yet unfortunately for my drinking opponent one too many drinks makes me feel wise, and obnoxious, beyond my years. I was being told about how he had started spending time with his ex-girlfriend again. People re-kindle former flames all the time, except in this case there had been cheating, lying, name calling and she had portrayed him as the guilty one to all of her friends by blocking his number and deleting him off of Facebook. A break up at its finest.


So how do you respond when you hear someone say they are hanging out with the person that they once cried over? Well, in my drunken case I tried to play the experience card and pass on what I felt were wise words. I slurred that I had once been in a similar position and had given an ex a second chance only to end up being ripped apart twice in a row. I urged him to believe that I knew best and it will only end up with him being left by this girl again. My words were shrugged off alongside mummers of ‘he knew what he was doing.’ A week later the girl turned round to him and said she hated his friends and to never contact her again.


As bad as this sounds my instant reaction was a big fat HA. Told you so. However, 10 minutes of smugness suddenly melted into guilt. What was I celebrating, the fact that we had both fallen into the trap of trusting an ex? Did someone tripping over the same hurdle earn me the right to judge them for ignoring my warnings? Of course not. When we give our friends relationship advice are we handing out un-biased information, or just weighing their shoulders down with our own dirty laundry. It takes a long time to get to there but many people eventually look back at break ups and chime that they wouldn’t change a thing as they learnt something from it. In order to become older and actually wiser it may be that we have to allow our friends to make the same mistakes that we made, without scolding them or treating it as a betrayal. If you really think about it we pick our mates because we share similar personalities, therefore it seems only natural that we may end up stumbling over the same holes along our way. When it comes to other people’s relationships and dating lives perhaps we really do say it best when we say nothing at all. Besides who knows, instead of handing out advice after the next game of drunken beer pong you may do something regrettable and actually need some.


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