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Bob-Alongs

Bob-alongs is a term I coined several years ago to refer to those people who bob along though life, without any issues, problems, heartbreaks or baggage. They have good jobs, loving families, great friends and fantastic boyfriends. Even when they’re single, they take it in their stride; they’re never single for long anyway. You could call them optimists. You could call them lucky. I call them bob-alongs.

 

I resent bob-alongs, partly out of jealousy, but mostly out of the at best, inane, and at worst, offensive, statements this group of people offer to explain why I, and fellow non-bob-alongs, remain terminally single.

 

“It just isn’t the right time for you”

 

If everyone else is getting together right now, then surely logic dictates that the only reason why the time isn’t right for me is because there is something wrong. With me. I know I have faults but to be made to feel that these are so catastrophic that no one would want a relationship with me is actually rather cruel.

 

“You just haven’t found the right person yet.”

 

Us non-bob-alongs are well aware of the fact that we may not always make the best dating choices. This is an unfortunate by-product of the issues, problems, heartbreaks and baggage. If you’re still single and in you’re 30s to say that you haven’t found the right person yet is no more than stating the bleeding obvious. And for a group of people who are adept at denial, amongst other things, being told the bleeding obvious isn’t high on our list.

 

And the most violence-inducing of all:

 

“You’re just trying too hard. If you stop trying, it will come to you.”

 

It’s easy to not have to try for something when you already have it. The people who typically make such statements are those that have never had to try for anything. I have had periods in my life when I genuinely wasn’t trying, wasn’t overly interested in finding a relationship, was completely content with my life as a single woman. The only thing that came to me at those times was the need to purchase a vibrator.

 

I have had many debates over the years with my fellow non-bob-alongs whether we would choose to cross enemy lines if we could. And all of us have had periods where we would have jumped at the chance. But for the most part, we like our side of the fence.

 

Bob-alongs are typically complacent, taking their fortunes for granted. After all, how you can appreciate champagne when it’s all you’ve drunk every day of your entire life.

 

True joy comes from having struggled to achieve it and from having known true sorrow.

 

I wouldn’t be a bob-along for all the world, not even for the right person at the right time, without having to try for it.

 

Shan

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