Excuse me, which bus should I take….?

tfl-hybrid-bus-front-640x427It’s been an interesting fortnight. I’ve had ample opportunity to come up with an appropriate analogy for men. And the best I can come up with is, men are like buses. Seriously. They are large, slightly cumbersome, difficult to drive (or at the very least have difficulty parking) , and sometimes smell funny.  Oh – and they can leave you struggling to hold on to the last of your inner zen.

But mostly, they come along simultaneously, leaving you with tough decisions to make.  You can be on a bus, then the bus breaks down, you have to await a replacement, and then 2 or more rock up.  Like unassuming partners in crime. They don’t know about one another, don’t realise they are driving in parallel, and how are you supposed to know which one to board and which to allow to speed away? And if you get on the front one, does the one behind follow? But the big question is – what if you pick the wrong one?

Through a process of careful elimination I whittled 4 down. The guy from my hometown, the one who I cheekily referred to as James Pond, and the most unbelievably scarily ignorant armed police officer who shall forevermore be McNeanderthal. I have never wanted to bottle someone so hard in my life – and I do not believe in violence.  In fact I passionately advocate active non-violence.  But he is another issue – one I am still mulling over given the depths of his abysmal views. Scary how the truth comes out when someone has a few. In vino veritas indeed.

As for the other, he who shall remain nameless – I don’t know. He seems decent but it’s a slow burn…. So slow I might die of hypothermia.

The one I liked the most will soon be loading his axle onto another mode of transportation and disappearing to Africa for 6 months. Which sucks. But then given our most recent behaviour in the back of his personal travel machine I find myself wondering if I am likely to hear from him again anyway. I doubt it. Oops….

So I find myself declaring that I am done. “That’s it”, I cry. “Never again shall I allow myself to be so exposed to the dating world! Men are crap!”….. Until the working day has finished and I have lined up 5 more dates. One of which is with McShy, the others….oh what the hell life’s too short and in some ways it’s fun. But as I can’t have the one I want, and I’m not even convinced he wants me, I might as well enjoy myself.

But all this brings me back to my original point. How to know which bus to take?  Where will it take me to?  Will I have to jump off and double back on myslef by foot, or will it take me to a new and exciting destination?  How easy is it to switch bus services if I realise I’m on the wrong one?  And which one will get delayed the most by traffic?  As I don’t have the answer right now, I shall leave that question open-ended and hopefully return with a suitable answer.