You stare at your phone as if you could will him to call or text you. The great guy you met and went out with hasn’t contacted you at all and you’re worried. Your mind is going a million miles an hour with theories about why he’s been silent.
This has got to be one of most excruciating parts of dating!
Whether it was your very first date or you’ve been casually seeing each other for awhile but you’re not officially a “couple,” when the man you’ve been hanging out with (and maybe even sleeping with) hasn’t called, texted, messaged, Skyped or been in communication with you, it’s frustrating.
It can cause you to question yourself and whether or not you can attract the kind of love relationship you’ve been looking for.
If he’s not asked you out again (yet), this could be why…
1. You weren’t being real.
How many times have you hidden parts of who you are because you’re embarrassed or don’t think those parts are “impressive”or “good” enough? That’s you not being real and it comes through as fake, evasive, dishonest and unattractive.
2. You over-shared.
The opposite of hiding your real self is to let it ALL hang out– more than he ever wanted to know. You don’t have to list off all of the mistakes you’ve ever made or the bad habits you have. Find the balance between being real and overwhelming him with too much or too personal information.
3. You were caught up in the past.
If you’ve had past relationships, you may have fallen into the trap of comparing your date to your ex (or even to your father or other men in your life over the years). When you’re busy deciding whether he’s better or worse than your ex, you’re distracted from the moment. You’re missing out on meeting the man you’re with right now.
4. You moved too fast.
Maybe you truly felt “love at first sight” or a strong sense that he’s “the one” and you told him or hinted that this is how you feel. Sometimes that’s okay and can bring a couple together quickly and sometimes it sends the guy running in the other direction– even if he’s interested in you too.
5. You tried too hard.
A little nervousness is to be expected on a first (second, third, etc.) date, but when you get caught up in making yourself look, talk, act and otherwise be perfect to make the right impression, you’re trying too hard and also not being real. You’re creating a situation where neither one of you enjoys the date.
6. You were too easy.
This isn’t about how long to wait to have sex with your date. This is about being “too easy” in an attempt to please or impress him. It’s a variation on not being real. If you spent the night saying agreeing with everything he said, you may have avoided the discomfort of disagreeing, but lost the opportunity to really interact with him. Being too easy in this way is just plain boring.
7. He’s not ready for a relationship.
When he doesn’t ask you out again, sometimes it has nothing to do with you. It’s a case of timing as in he’s just not looking for a relationship.
8. He’s got other priorities right now.
It could be that there’s no room for love and romance in his life at this time. Has he started a new job or project and that’s where he’s directing his energy? Is he still in a complicated situation with someone else?
9. He’s in a “bad”place.
Even if your date is truly single and isn’t focused in on work or another endeavor, maybe he’s emotionally unavailable. No matter how interesting and attractive you are, he’s in a “bad” place and may be dealing with depression, addiction, extreme stress or anxiety or something else. If so, it’s best for you both to hold off on dating seriously until he works through it.
10. The chemistry wasn’t there.
There is such a thing as chemistry and maybe it just wasn’t there for you and your guy. You’re both good-looking and great people and you like each other well enough, but one (or both) of you didn’t feel the pull and the spark that’s necessary to fuel a love relationship.
Now be honest with yourself. When you think back to your date and what was actually said and what actually happened, do you really want to spend more time with this guy? Did he seem open to that? If so, why not ask him out again? What are you waiting for?