When it comes to experiences of pain I believe the majority of us would rather subject ourselves to root canals and bikini wax’s 100 times over than experience heartbreak just once. Technology is so advanced in this day and age we can travel round the world in a matter of hours and for those who can afford it look thirty well into our fifties. But could anyone find a cure for heartbreak?
Unlike heart burn for which we can take a couple of Rennies and wait for twenty minutes, dealing with heart break takes time, how long really depends on the individual but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, its just a case of tunnelling enough to find it.
Solely blaming ourselves for the break down of a relationship happens so easily, its something most of us will be able to recognise doing. The truth is we could spend forever wondering if we had nagged a little less or have been a little thinner would we still find ourselves back on the (often dreaded) singles shelf? Now more than ever is time to realise as hard as we may try, being in control of every aspect of our lives is impossible. Unexplained and unwanted events will happen right through out our lives and the sooner we accept this the better.
Relationships are not built upon perfection but the need and want of two people to overcome the imperfections life presents us with. The harsh truth of the matter is if someone doesn’t want to work at a relationship with you, maybe its time to love them less and love yourself more, berating yourself over the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s is as good to a broken heart as monopoly money is in Harvey Nicks so here are some tried and tested tips I believe every girl should have in order to get back in the driving seat and take control back at the time when it feels everything feels like its falling apart.
Talk about it: We don’t have to tell people we are fine all the time. People like and can relate to a bit of honesty BUT! Be choosy to whom you pour your heart out to, mutual friends and people you don’t fully trust or know very well could end badly.
Allow yourself to cry: Having a good sob will be the most healing part of your recovery so don’t hold back.
Delete his number: It might sound harsh but when trying to move on the last thing you should be doing is looking at texts that make you morn the loss of your relationship. Especially in the early stages of the break up the temptation to get in contact especially when drunk may become overwhelming, but you are setting yourself up for another possible rejection, and may find it hard not to read into any replies.
Treat yourself: Treating yourself to a bubble bath or some new make-up is not only therapeutic but will also boost your self confidence, feeling good about ourselves is the key to exerting your own self assurance.
Keep yourself busy: Meet with friends, join a night class, read a book (read my articles). Keeping yourself busy gives you less time to wallow and provides you with a sense of achievement.
Friend custody: Be wary of turning lunch dates with mutual friends into a huge bitch fest about your ex, not only will it make you look bitter but it will make them feel uncomfortable adopting a dignified silence, no matter how tempting it is to explain how much of an arse he actually is, will always show you in a positive light. If you find yourself being ditched in favour of your ex completely then good riddance! They were never a true friend anyway.
Talk to guys: Learn to mingle with the opposite sex again, even if you do not necessarily find them attractive; talking is talking and if anything – you will find your confidence boosted.
Set yourself goals: Now is the perfect time to realise dreams and aspirations, with only your own needs and wishes to please you can afford to be selfish. Setting goals will give you something positive to focus on and help you see the positive in the future.
Most importantly take each days as it comes, you may find yourself taking two steps forward one step back, but be positive. Find the gratitude for the little things you may take for granted. Whether it’s hearing a song you love on the radio or the fact someone took time out of their day to give you a compliment or a kind word. Appreciating these moments will help to put the smile back on your face. Forgiveness in the belief that he would have done better if he could of gives us the freedom and strength to move on. As the old saying goes ‘when a tree is bent down in a storm the roots always grow stronger’.
Maxine – Jul 20th 2010