Is Your Over-Possessiveness Killing Your Relationship?

jealousyFew days back, I saw a lady on the metro rail. She was in a fierce and heated argument with someone on the phone. Although I had no intention to eavesdrop on her conversation, her tone was so loud (and rude!) that I could barely escape her yellings. And it was not just me. Probably everyone in the compartment got to know that she was fighting, or rather, scolding her boyfriend. That too in a brutal manner!


So, the story of that woman was something like this: She called him. He disconnected her call. She was upset and hence a huge ruckus. And she got too swayed in moaning and lecturing him that she didn’t even realize that she was creating a scene in a public place. I could easily sense the over possessiveness tripping enormously from her words. Initially, I labeled that woman as an irritating creature, but later I realized – doesn’t this happen too often?


You call him. He doesn’t pick up or disconnects your call. You feel bad.


Well ladies, it’s perfectly okay to feel bad and it’s fine if you wish to call him up again, just in case he unintentionally missed your call. But calling him an infinite number of times until he picks up his phone, is definitely over-possessive!


And this is not it. A lot of women have this habit of questioning their partner’s whereabouts whenever she makes a call to him. Sometimes if this isn’t enough, she would start playing a rapid fire round with him: Where are you? Why are you there? Who’s there with you? Why you didn’t tell me in advance? Are you out with some girl? When will you come back home?


My sincere advice to all such ladies is, stop being a tracking satellite or GPS system! You are not designed for it. You have much better things to do in life. Much bigger tasks to accomplish. You don’t have to keep an eye on your man all the time. And why should you be doing that at all? Don’t you trust him?


Well, I am not asking you to trust him blindly. Not at all! (You see, the world is full of jerks and you have to live with your eyes wide open). And there is nothing wrong if you want to ask him. Instead, it’s good to ask him if you have any doubts. You should not leave any voids for misunderstandings to creep into your relationship. But there is a time for everything. And there is a way to ask or talk about such fragile topics. Your overly possessive and suspecting nature can kill your relationship.


When I looked closely, I realized that this cell phone business is not the only one. There exists a whole list of things that women end up doing unconsciously, which makes their partner furious and irritated.


1.  Its okay to chat once in a while when you see him online. But expecting him to ping you every time can be very burdensome.


2. I have a friend who doesn’t like it whenever her fiancé likes pictures of other girls on Facebook or Google plus. She says that she feels insecure not only when he looks at other girls but also when other ‘gal’ look at him.


3. It is not compulsory that whenever he buys a gift, it has to be for you. He has all the authority to send gifts to his female friend on her birthday or a friend’s wife on their anniversary.


4. Many women feel insecure when their partner has a female boss. (Well, I have a question to ask them: You never had a male boss?)


5. Some women doesn’t like whenever he comes home late after having dinner.  Their philosophy is: Either take me along with you or come back home and eat dinner with me!


Doing such things or asking such questions once in a while is okay. But if you do it repeatedly, it will no longer be accepted as caring. Instead, it will become nagging!


At the end, here is another task for the readers. Go home, sit down, relax and think about it. There is a possibility that you are also amongst one of those ladies I saw on the metro rail the other day. If yes, then do not feel disheartened. In the next post I’ll tell you some fair and good ways to drive out this feeling of over-possessiveness.