Some people just know what they want out of life, the house, dog and 2.4 children with a steady 9-5 to support it all.
When you first start out in a relationship, it’s all hearts and roses; you peacefully coexist and mesh together in a whirlwind of romance. Getting to know each other can be dangerous and territorial, you have a checklist in your head of what you want out of a potential partner. Going to an overpriced restaurant chirping about how much you love outdoor sports and your partial take of a glass of rose is meaningless. It’s the nitty gritty stuff your scared to ask that you really want to know. In America dating is like a hobby, people treat it like a job interview, there is no pressure on the one date and you can ask questions that would probably disturb British people on the first date. Stuff like “what is your annual salary? Do you want children? What was your ex partner like?” It’s all well and good to ask these questions but the thing is people are very welcome to change their minds. It’s human behaviour to have a change of heart, especially when it comes to more important life decisions.
There are the deal breakers; I recently spoke to a girl who has been with her boyfriend for years and they had always wanted the same thing, no marriage and no children; just each other. Sounds perfect, like putting together a jigsaw puzzle when you find someone who loves you and doesn’t want to mould you into something your not. But recently her boyfriend has decided that he might want children after all. It’s a very sad situation with no right answer. Staying together would cause resentment and ending it seems like no compromise can be made. Compromise is a word that is double edged; both parties involved aren’t 100% truly happy whatever situation they are dissolving. It’s the big compromises that can cause long-standing damage; I’m not talking about letting your boyfriend watch football when you really don’t want them to. A lot of things are swings and roundabouts but when a reason becomes so overbearing that it makes any redeeming quality null and void it’s time to assess the situation.
My take on this is, don’t sweat the small stuff, but the deal breakers are named so for a reason. If you’re going to grow some resentment for the person you love by changing for them, then you won’t be the person they fell in love with. If a relationship ends you should take yourself out the same way you went in, sometimes change is good but irking your own personal feelings for someone else can cause major damage down the road.