So one of the girls I work with was happily chatting about her upcoming wedding and the plans she and her fiancé had made for their special day. As we were chatting, the subject came up of women who plan their weddings before they’ve even got a man in their life. I’d seen this subject brought up in a magazine quite a while ago, and since it’s wedding season, I thought I’d bring it up again.
But planning a wedding without a groom? What? Just…what?
Don’t get me wrong; a lot of women have thought about what they’d like their wedding to be like and that’s completely normal. You may walk past a wedding dress shop and spot a stunning dress you’d wear, or you’ll read a friend’s wedding magazine over their shoulder and spot a couple of cakes. You might have thought about the location and the colour scheme. But all of these things are just fantasies and won’t be actually planned until you have a fiancé (who by the way, may have opinions on what he wants the wedding to be like, not all men like being pushed aside, it’s a celebration of the two of you, not a look at the pretty woman in a dress day).
But the women who plan their wedding days without a groom, I just can’t understand. They literally have planned and paid for their wedding days, and some even their honeymoons, without ever meeting the man they’re going to marry. Imagine going on dates to find someone to be with! They’d run a mile the second they’d found out you’d got the wedding arranged, “…and here’s the date and location, and we’re going here on our honeymoon”. You’ve not even got through the carrot and lentil soup yet! There’s still a main course to come!
So venues have been booked in five years time by brides who may not have found someone by the date set, dresses have been bought and will most probably be out of fashion by the wedding day, bridesmaids and their dresses have been chosen even though you may lose touch with them by then, or you’d just plain old hate each other.
It’s not just the unhinged quality of these women that unsettles me, it’s the fact that they don’t seem to care who they marry, they just want a wedding day. They just want the fancy party and everyone saying how beautiful she looks, they don’t want the marriage or the man at all.
Even though I’m nowhere near marriage at this point in my life, I know that when I do get married it will only be because I’ve met the man I want to share my whole life with, not because I want to swan around in a white dress for the day.