Are you recently single? I am. Isn’t it just the best feeling? No. Not really.
I’m in that time that everyone has in their life – that limbo period where you are stuck between wanting that person back and wanting everything to go away so you can be happy again. But being in this very confusing, up-and-down period has made me realise a few things about myself. Anyone who is also going through a relationship rough patch and is feeling low should follow a few simple steps to feeling better about themselves and life in general.
You’ve cried your eyes out for days, you’ve sent angry messages and you’ve used up the entire tissue supply from the local corner shop. But now you’re sick of puffy eyes and feeling like crap. You’re sick of MEN DAMMIT! So once you’ve mourned your old relationship, you can follow my Rough Guide to Singledom for the Newly Single!
1. STOP sitting around in your room loudly blowing your nose and wailing over photos of you and your now-ex. It’s not fun, it just hurts and you’re soon going to have to throw the mountain of snotty tissues in the bin. That’s not fun, and also really, really gross.
2. BUY some ice cream and eat it all (yes, ALL) while watching romcoms or life-affirming movies. I personally like a good old fashioned tragedy when I’m sad, but I’m aware that’s a little odd, so why don’t you guys stick to something like I Am Sam or, the cliché but brilliant staple for the single, Bridget Jones.
3. PUSH yourself to do something new or complete something you’ve been meaning to do for a long time. Maybe you could take up roller-skating? Or boxing (could come in useful with venting anger), or maybe some kind of craft? Personally I started writing a novel I’ve been thinking about for literally years. A sense of accomplishment will make you feel like you can conquer the world!
4. DRESS yourself up to the nines and hit the wine bar/cocktail bar/any kind of bar with your friends. Have a glass or two too many, dance like an absolute loon, laugh and gossip and just let yourself forget about any bad feelings.
5. TAKE some quiet time. I purposely put this one after number 4 because you’ll be needing quiet time when you have a horrible wine hangover. Light some candles, have a long bath and put on some music. Just enjoy your own company and get back to being just you.
6. OGLE hot men. You can do it now without feeling guilty! It’s scientifically proven that looking at someone you think is attractive makes you happier (I just made that up, but it makes sense). The number of good looking men I’ve seen since I’ve been single is weird. Maybe I just wasn’t looking before, or maybe they’ve all just come out of the wood-work now that I’m available (I like to think so anyway, haha).
7. PLAN your life. You can do whatever you want now ladies! There’s no other person to think about, you don’t have to worry about another’s feelings. Have you always wanted to go to Outer Mongolia to live in a yurt for six months? Then DO IT! How about travelling with a camel caravan across the Sahara? DO IT! Or fly out to Hollywood to make a name as a movie star? DO IT! DO IT DO IT DO IT!
8. LOVE the Sisterhood. The Sisterhood is the most important thing after a break-up. For me, I literally don’t know what I would do without my best girlfriends. They’ve put up with my crying and being miserable, they’ve treated me to cake and wine, they give me wise advice and show me pictures of fit men. They know just how to cheer me up and they know exactly what I’m going through. Never take them for granted.
So stop feeling blue ladies! Listen to some Beyoncé and get out in the sunshine! Life will get better and you never know who you’re going to meet tomorrow.