I was at work the other day, having a flick through one of those free magazines people hand out on the street when I came across an article that made me both chuckle to myself and die a little inside all at the same time. It was about singles nights. Not just any singles nights either. Not the stereotypical night when a load of people desperate to find a partner awkwardly try to mingle in the private room of a pub hired out for the occasion. There are no ‘hi, my name is…’ tags and no half joking, half crying calls of ’single and ready to mingle!’ (unless it’s said in an ironic way of course). The singles nights I read about were for those who think themselves too sophisticated or too cool for the normal kind of singles event.
Reading this article made me curious about what other types of singles events there were. I’m single now, and have had long periods of singledom in the past, but it never even crossed my mind to join a dating site, or go to a place where a large group of people are all actively looking for their future spouse. The image of it makes me think of a desperate scene in a disaster movie where there is chaos and everyone’s swimming through the crowds searching for their loved ones. Though I’m sure it’s not quite so awful. And I’m even less likely to go to a single event now after reading this. It’s made me lose a little bit of faith in humanity.
One of my favourite (by favourite I mean, laughable) date nights I read about was the toilet crawl. It sounds awful. It is awful. I haven’t been on it. But it’s awful. This one is where a group of singles (who I presume have been on every other kind of singles night around) pay real money that they’ve earned to walk around London’s most notable toilets. Such as…? I’m sure at least half of the crowd are just those going along to snicker at those taking it seriously.
There’s also the literal take on blind dating. You’re chucked into a room of the unattached (like being thrown to the lions) and the lights are all switched off. You are served dinner by waiters in night vision goggles. Have fun with trying to eat. I hope it’s just finger food. The idea is you get to know the people around you without judging them on their looks. Which is actually really lovely, and I like the idea, but a. most people don’t like not being able to see their food, and b. no doubt there will be a large number of gropers in there.
How about the recent London Eye event that is supposed to become regular? Where different capsules hold different activities? There’s the table tennis capsule, and stand-up comedy. I like the sound of both of these activities. But unfortunately the other activities get more awkward. How about life drawing? You don’t want to see that guy you fancy staring at a naked woman that’s not you, thank you very much. Or karaoke? Unless you’re actually a good singer, this is just embarrassing for everyone involved. And you’re locked in a capsule, so you can’t just ‘nip to the loo’. And my personal favourite; the petting zoo capsule. How old are these singles?! This makes me a little wary of who you’ll find in that one…
There are countless other weird dating events out there. Speed duetting, events where you’re not allowed to talk, you just listen to each others’ favourite music, mock weddings (what the…?!) and crafts nights. I also found an event which involved drinks, live music and comedy sketches (sounds good so far…but wait for it…) and the live readings of everyone in the room’s secrets! Sounds….downright mortifying.
I think I’m just going to go about my daily life and stumble upon boyfriends that way…it’s worked for me so far.