The 10 signs it’s over

UnhappyCoupleSo much time is devoted to the beginning of relationships.  The rose-coloured, honey-tasting, blissful bubble and the neurotic second-guessing that accompanies it.  But what about when things aren’t going so well?  When certain signs appear, it is time to talk…. Some couples can survive.  Others can’t.  It all depends on whether you want to.  In my experience, the 10 things below tell you the Grim Reaper is on his way for Cupid:

1.  You stop depilating – even your eyebrows become unruly, and your moustache starts to emulate his.  Yet there is absolutely no impetus to reach for the bleach.

2.  He doesn’t care that he hasn’t showered in 2 days, hasn’t changed his boxers and smells like he’s spent the weekend at Glastonbury.

3.  You wear your baggy old comfortable pyjamas in bed – long sleeved round neck tee and shapeless extra-large bottoms.  With the drawstring pulled tight to ensure they don’t accidentally slip down and reveal your ladygarden.  Not that he could see anything through the thicket of wild hair.

4.  His mickey-taking takes on a slightly harsher edge.  What once was banter now feels like criticism and you find yourself incapable of firing back – or anything you do fire back is the unabridged truth.  Which leads to yet another row because he knows what you think of him too.

5.  You feel embarrassed being naked in front of him – when he wanders in to the room when you are dressing after a shower, you instinctively reach for your towel and cover yourself up.

6.  What were formerly lingering looks, with hours drowning in one another’s eyes and being adamant that you could see one another’s souls,  are replaced by his seeming inability to maintain eye contact.  He looks occasionally at you, and seems to find the floor or the wall far more interesting.

7.  Conversations (classifiable as such at a push) become dull, mundane and repetitive.  Whose turn is it to cook tonight?  Who gives a shit when you used to skip dinner and go straight to bed for the evening.

8.  He doesn’t want to touch you, and pulls away physically.  That leaves you feeling unattractive, because unfortunately your self-esteem is linked to his desire for you….. which used to be constant.  To the extent he couldn’t think because his blood flow was diverted from his brain.

9.  You don’t want to be touched.

10.  He flinches when you mention anything to do with the future.  That holiday the two of you had both dreamed of doing, the restaurant you had talked of visiting – even when mentioned casually, his face is a giveaway that he doesn’t want to do those things anymore – well, not with you.