It has been nine months since my ex broke up with me. Nine months of looking out for him in bars and supermarkets, nine months of checking the number plate every time a black Golf GTI drives past, nine months of opening my mailbox to find nothing from him.
I go over it all, over and over. How good it was. How bad it was. I rehearse whole conversations we would have if ever I did bump into him. I wonder what he is doing, where he is, who he is with. It is all supposition; I had to delete him as a friend on Facebook when my analysis of his status updates was turning into an unhealthy obsession.
I never expected to get over the guy in a week but after nine months, not only is my inability to move on rather depressing, it has also become plain tiring and tedious. My reflection has led me to an interesting question: how long should it take to get over a relationship?
Paul McKenna (How to Mend a Broken Heart) says it’s all about the future; the length of time it takes to recover is directly proportional to the extent in which you envisaged a future with your partner. What you mourn is not so much the loss of your partner but the loss of your own future.
My friend suggested to me last night that it’s all about the past; the length of time it takes to recover is directly proportional to the extent that the relationship and subsequent break-up brought up past issues. What you mourn is not so much the loss of your partner but the loss of previous partners, of parents, innocence, love and immortality.
I guess it’s also about the here and now. Time doesn’t heal all wounds; it is what you do with that time that counts. And spending time in bars or the arms of strangers doesn’t count for much. You need to find the time and energy to deal with the past and the future, in order to heal in the present.
It has been nine months but then this article came and maybe this is it. Here and now. The end.