As you darling readers may know, I had a break up recently. Well two months ago, which for some of you is a millennia, for some is almost like the blink of an eye. For me it’s still very very recent and really quite raw. He left to work on cruise ships for six months and we had quite an amicable break up so that he could go off and do what he needed to do.
However, on Saturday we had quite a long argument over Facebook messenger (not the best way to have an argument. Actually it’s extremely frustrating as sarcastic tones and angry shouting don’t come across very well). I don’t want to go into too many details as to what happened, but he didn’t think before he spoke or acted and it pissed me right off. I seldom get angry, but this time I was really angry. And I mean REALLY ANGRY. And that’s when the switch flipped.
The switch. The enlightenment. The revelation. We’ve all had it. We’ve all been mooning over someone, had an unrequited love, or have been holding out for something that may never happen, such as getting back together with an ex. And we’ve all had that moment when they say or do something that completely alters the way you think. Whether that be the way you think of them or the situation as a whole. It’s literally (sorry for the cliché, but I feel it’s extremely apt in this article) like a light has been switched on in your mind and you can see so vividly what is happening. You re-evaluate everything that has happened and is happening within a split second, changing your whole way of thinking. It’s really quite phenomenal.
My revelation came after a friend told me something she thought that I should know. I cried, then mid-sob *ping!* I stopped crying. Why cry? I realised that I actually didn’t care anymore. I’m done and I DON’T CARE! And to be quite honest, it’s one of the best feelings a girl caught in a guy’s net for so long can have. It’s like a cloud has been lifted from over my head.
Yesterday, I was sitting at home on my own, packing for my trip to Thailand (I’m writing this from Bangkok Airport; I know, swish!) when he popped into my thoughts. Do you know what I did when I saw his face in my mind’s eye? Did I cry? Did I feel a heavy weight in my heart like all the other times? No. I laughed. I sat and laughed! It was one of the most liberating experiences I’ve ever had. And as I sit here waiting for my flight to Chiang Mai to see one of my best friends who I haven’t seen in almost three years, I see my future unfolding in front of me. One without being weighed down by tears. One filled with my wonderful friends (who have put up with me moaning for a while, thank you guys!), a big travel around Asia next year and (I hope) a successful career in writing. I see that I have so much to be happy about. And if any of you reading this is caught up on someone, your epiphany will come soon. I promise!