This frequently repeated statistic might leave you confused and worried when your man says “no” to sex. When he declines sex or if he doesn’t seem very excited or present when you two make love, your mind might start churning with thoughts like…
- Do I bore him?
- Does he not think I’m sexy anymore?
- Is he having an affair?
It’s time to stop obsessing and start paying closer attention.
Know that this stereotype that men are ALWAYS in the mood is not necessarily true. In fact, the 8,000 sexual thoughts a day statistic that gets thrown around isn’t even based on actual research! When it comes to sex drive, every man and woman is different and libido will peak and fall depending on factors like stress, health, age and external distractions.
The bottom line is this…
If your man isn’t available or doesn’t seem as interested and excited in you and your relationship as he used to be, this is a wake up call.
There could be a million reasons why his sex drive seems to be lagging so give up trying to guess. Don’t accuse him or psychoanalyze him either. To make him “wrong” for not wanting sex as often as or when you do isn’t going to turn him on or bring him closer to you.
If you believe that your partner’s lagging sex drive is because he’s lying or having an affair, get reliable information and make a decision about what you’ll do next. It’s not wise (or successful) to try to use sex to lure him back or fix the problem. If he’s cheating, decide to either leave the relationship or set some boundaries and ask him to end the affair. Then, you two can work together to rebuild trust and your connection.
If there’s no proof of lying or cheating, do take an honest look at your relationship and notice the ways that you might unintentionally be pushing your man away.
This can be an uncomfortable inquiry, but worth it. What are your usual habits in key areas like: communication, trust and emotional intimacy that might be putting barriers between you and your partner?
When you start to realize what it is you do that pushes your man away and that turns him off, then you can start to do things differently.
This doesn’t have to be overly serious or lots of work either!
You can actually enjoy making the changes that make you more irresistible to you partner. In sneaky (but not manipulative) ways, you can attract him and draw him to you more of the time. When you’re irresistible, your partner can’t get enough of being with you and will want to not just have sex with you, but be closer to you emotionally too.
Be irresistible with your words.
Notice the words you use in your daily conversations with your partner. Do you have a tendency to nag, complain and criticize? If so, our question to you is…
Would YOU want to have sex with or be closer to someone who habitually communicates the way you do?
Choose your words wisely. You can be honest, make requests and set healthy boundaries without pushing your partner away. Instead of saying, “You never want to spend time with me,” say “I miss connecting with you. How about we stay in together this Friday night?”
Be irresistible with your touch.
There’s nothing quite like a gentle touch in just the right place and at just the right time to bring more connection and passion to your relationship. Be respectful if he’s engrossed in a project, but do frequently touch him– and not just in the way that you might think!
- Reach out for his hand when you two are walking through a parking lot.
- Stroke his arm as you watch a movie together.
- Offer to give him a shoulder or foot massage after he’s had a long day.
Regular touch can be nurturing, healing and it keeps alive intimacy and connection. It’s best if your touches aren’t always sensual or leading to sex, but a gentle caress on the back of your man’s neck can be flirty and a wonderful invitation to make love.
Be irresistible with confidence.
If your partner seems to have a lower sex drive than you or if he’s turned you down for sex more often lately, you may be feeling insecure. Unfortunately, low self confidence won’t turn that trend around.
Don’t take your partner’s “no” to sex personally. As we said, there could be many, many reasons why that have little or nothing to do with you. Keep reminding yourself of the facts you have about what’s going on in his life right now.
Keep doing what you need to do to foster healthy self confidence. If you have a habit of putting yourself down or calling yourself names like “ugly,” stop. Change your thinking and start to honor your strengths. Look in the mirror and invite yourself to accept and love what you see.
When you are confident about you, it’s going to show. You will show up to your partner as brighter, clearer about what you want (without apologies) and you’ll communicate that easily. Your partner is more likely to see how attractive– inside and out– you are when you believe it first.
That’s a turn on!
No matter how long you and your man have been together, keep that passionate spark for lasting love!