What Happens When You Lose A Big Love?

Carrie and BigI’ve recently gone through something that I think most people reading this will be able to relate to. I’ve lost the person who I deemed to be my “great love”. After three years of running away from each other and, inevitably, running back to each other, the plug has finally been pulled on what was undoubtedly a dysfunctional relationship, and I am completely mortified.


Like most writers, when disaster strikes, I resort to opening up a new word document to try and scribble away my troubles; unfortunately for me the only thing I’m capable of writing this time seems to be a fairly daunting question: how many big loves do we really get?


In a memorable episode of Sex and the City, if memory serves right, it’s proposed that we get two. Reality hits home when Carrie realises that if she only gets two big loves, then she’s probably already had hers. When I watched this episode I remember thinking to myself why do you need two big loves? Surely one would be enough? In light of the recent romantic developments in my life, I now find myself praying that you get more than one shot because if you don’t, it seems like mine has well and truly gone, and I am surely too young for such a depressing reality to be true!


I’ve never been entirely sure where I stand on the idea of soul mates. The partner that I’ve recently split from was the closest I’ve ever come to finding someone who slots into the “other half of me” cliché. Does that make them the one? Unfortunately I don’t have the answer, I only have a stream of questions. The next one being, if we do only have one big love in our lives, what happens when it doesn’t work out with them? My first instinct was to turn to a life of loneliness that I wouldn’t be able to escape, although my closest friends assure me that that’s something of a dramatic conclusion to throw myself towards, and when I allow myself to think logically, they’re probably right.


The truth of the matter is, in my opinion, now I’ve put down the wine and the chocolate and put my level head back on, that the loves of our life are what we make them. As for how many big loves you get, it seems likely that the answer to that question is dependent on how many big loves you allow yourself to have. It might seem like an cop-out answer, but you can’t honestly say that every relationship you’ve ever had has warranted the same amount of effort/emotion/everything else. The man you dated in between boyfriends was significantly less important than the boyfriend you moved in with and planned your life around only to break up with them four months afterwards. There are different degrees of relationships, I think, and perhaps the seriousness of a relationship, and ultimately how much it affects our lives, and the relationships we go on to develop, is entirely up to us, rather than some cosmic resolve relating to how many romantic chances we get.


Keep in mind that while listening to the ramblings of the recently dumped, you might be listening to extremely poor advice; nevertheless, I stand completely by the idea that a relationship, and indeed an ex relationship, is exactly what you allow it to be. Losing a big love doesn’t mean you’re lost forever, it just means you need to wander alone for a while until the next big love comes along… she types, optimistically, hoping that she is giving hope to those reading this who are suffering through the same situation. While you’re drowning your sorrows and eating more calories than your body knows what to do with (I am, of course, judging my readers by my own standards), it might be worthwhile to remember this: things might be bad now, but they can’t possibly be bad forever.