Why do people cheat?


Relationships are often hard, and often there can be problems.  But what I never fully understand is the reason for cheating, and I have to question why someone would do it, and it’s not just celebrities that cheat, it happens every day;  but the one thing people never account for is the long term damage there likely to cause there partner when they do eventually find out.


Cheating has its own status in Hollywood,. I soon expect it will get it its own star on the Hollywood Hall of Fame, for some reason it is something to shout about, and apparently, have written in the press every day.  You don’t have to look far for examples: John Terry, Ashley Cole, Tiger Woods, and it’s not just men, there are women too, Kelly Brook, Ulrika Johnson, even Amanda Holden, and what do they expect they will gain from it (apart from an S.T.I if you’re sleeping with Neil Morrissey). It never results in a happy ending, all it really does is hurt someone, and all too often it happens today.


Often when people are cheating on someone, they use the same excuse, ‘my relationship isn’t very good, and I am not very happy with my partner’. This line for me will always sum someone up, instead of working on getting their relationship right; they will just sleep with someone else, and worsen that problem.  Another great excuse is alcohol.  I can believe that when someone has had a drink, their body slows down, their brain is slower at processing things and there is a lack of mental focus.  What I can’t believe is that even with all of these factors, people cheat on their partners because they had been drunk.  Even if the brain is slower at processing things, surely you can’t forget you have a partner?


If you take the excuses of a bad relationship, and alcohol away, it’s still hard to work out why someone would cheat, especially given the affect it will have on someone’s life. For someone to discover a partner has been cheating is a devastating thing, there is a feeling of rejection, hurt, anger and a million other feelings, and they don’t just go away, in future relationships those doubts could always be there.  All because someone chose to cheat. Given all these factors, why would someone want to do this?  I think it’s simple: Selfishness.


Selfish is described in the dictionary as:

‘putting one’s own needs and desires before that of someone else’


Frans De Wall once said:

‘Selfishness implies the intention to serve oneself; hence knowledge of what one stands to gain from a particular behaviour’

This couldn’t be any more true, but it is far more relevant to ask if someone knows what they stand to lose from this particular behaviour, because often people think they are un-touchable, that they will lose nothing. But you lose far more than you realize, you lose people’s trust, respect, and of course, your very much likely to lose a relationship, so whilst in the moment you gain a quick frill, in the long run, you lose a great deal more, and one that can’t be replaced by a couple of seedy nights in a hotel.


So why do people cheat?   In my experience….. because they don’t think first.


Sean Bromley