1. You are too busy thinking about how much he earns and what kind of car he drives rather than what kind of currency he has in terms of emotional investment. Even J-LO once said ‘my love don’t cost a thing.’ Let’s forget the fact that she’s actually loaded herself, it is important to see that what he invests in you in terms of quality time and interest is more important than what he buys you. Diamonds are beautiful, but they are terrible company.
2. You are too busy thinking about how fit he is or how fit he isn’t and not paying enough attention to what kind of man he is. Ultimately, Arnie Schwarzenegger should be our warning sign that even the best six pack gets saggy and wrinkly. So how far better it is to look for someone who has qualities that will make for longevity: patience, kindness, faithfulness. If he looks like Brad Pitt but has the character of a man that looks like he just ascended from a pit – he really isn’t worth it. But if you continue to go for looks alone, you will be disappointed.
3. You want a bad boy. Many women will hopefully assure you that it is actually more fun to have a man that doesn’t spend most of his time in prison or escaping lawsuits. ‘Oh but he is too nice! That is SO boring’ I hear some women say. Ultimately, it does depend on what kind of excitement level you prefer – perhaps wondering whether he is cheating on you with your best friend is the kind of thrill that sets your heart alight, compared with getting roses and being told you are beautiful by Mr Nice (yawn). This often says more about how you view yourself than the man you choose. When someone says he is ‘too nice’, what they are often saying is that ‘he is too nice for me’. In other words, ‘I cannot handle someone being so nice to me because I don’t think I’m worth it. I’d rather choose someone who treats me badly because deep down, this is how I think I deserve to be treated.’
4. You are too picky. “He’s too tall! He’s too short! His eyes are too blue! He blinks too much for my liking! He doesn’t speak French and Italian!” Shut up. I am not trying to suggest that you shouldn’t have standards, but be realistic. If you are waiting for the perfect man to drop onto your lap, you may receive your pension much quicker. Be willing to date someone who is outside your ‘type’. You may find that you meet someone who may blink like an Olympian, but he has many amazing qualities. It may be good at this stage to take a sober look at yourself. If someone were to judge you for your every imperfection, does that mean that you are any less worth settling down with? The answer you’re looking for here is no (unless you have some horrific character flaw that I cannot account for).
5. You’re trying to find your ex in every man you meet. What I am about to say may offend many – but it’s time to stop listening to Adele’s Someone Like You. There is no need to find someone like your ex. He is not the only man in the world who will make you happy. In fact, there are probably more eligible men out there but you are too busy looking for the carbon copy of Mr Ex. Go and delete that song off your iPod immediately. Sorry Adele, but you’ve made millions already anyway.