Or perhaps the title should be, are white socks enough of a reason not to see someone again?
Too many options means decisions are difficult. It’s too easy to bin someone for the smallest things as you imagine better is around the corner. I should probably explain the reasoning behind my milk-churned thoughts today.
I had a second date today. Our first date was more fun. I wasn’t too impressed when he called his mate to loan him some money and meet us in the pub. I was even less impressed when his mate decided to stay for a few, and he didn’t say anything.
But….he is cute. A bit tired looking today, but still sexy. Perhaps that’s the age thing. But I guess I have higher expectations when a guy has reached his 30s. Do they ever grow up?! Maybe I should cut the guy some slack. He did drag his hung-over (gorgeous) butt out of bed because he wanted to see me.
The problem is, I’m not sure about him. Perhaps I’m not one of those people who knows instantly on the first date – that is, without alcohol. He seemed to know what I was thinking, which was interesting. And it felt right when he had his arm around me. I feel physically comfortable with him (quite rare these days) and want more touching. Lots more. But I’m also not a hook-up girl and going back to his on the second date would not have been the right thing to do.
So here’s the plan. See him again, maybe a couple of times, and make up my mind. But I also know that physical attraction is not enough to sustain something, and I like a guy who can keep a conversation going. Countering this I know he was hung-over, and he did apologise for it not being very romantic. But I do feel he shouldn’t have got so smashed if he knew he was going to see me today. He did call to cancel, but then changed his mind and said he wanted to see me. Not sure about the indecision. I’m trying to work out if he’s a stoner, or tired, or just chilled. Maybe all three.
Maybe I’m too picky. Or maybe I seem too easy-going and chilled.
The goodbye kiss was nice. Again. It seemed to have potential, like it could grow. But then maybe he only has one gear. And that’s not how I like my sex.
And I really did want to go back to his. But I didn’t fancy getting stuck on my way home at midnight on Easter Sunday. And I want to get to know him more before I screw him. I want it to mean something. And I don’t want to get hurt. I’m still trying to figure him out, see if he’s good enough and someone I could actually be with.
There are lots of reasons not to see him again. There are always lots of reasons. But then looking back on all my serious relationships (as a comparison) I never envisaged them developing into full-blown love – which they did. And I’m not sure whether white socks are a strong enough reason not to see someone again. Maybe I’m being shallow. I always listen to my gut, and I’m not getting ‘run away screaming’. Maybe I’ll give him another chance to show me what it could be, like our first date. Or is it all downhill from here? His mate’s drunken slip that he has a daughter was certainly unexpected. I find myself wondering if and when he’ll tell me. And I’m wondering whether I’m bothered by it, or if I’m scared of getting hurt and I’m looking for excuses to back away. What I keep coming back to is, I wouldn’t travel on the tube for an hour for just anyone. I know I don’t want a relationship that badly.
I want someone chilled out yet passionate. Who I can be relaxed around but also enjoy my time with.
Essentially I want it all. But maybe that is unrealistic.
I want to multi-date. The American approach to casual dating – essentially, keep a few guys on retainer. But is that cruel to them when they may be looking for the real thing? And how soon is too soon to call it off, especially when you might be feeling a little something? And once you start getting pelvic with them, is it really fair to keep seeing others? How would I feel if they kept on having sex with other girls?
Perhaps the reality is, in order to get into someone, you have to let a little bit of yourself go and give them a chance. I don’t believe in perfection, but I would like three consistently good dates to make up my mind. Is that so much to ask? More likely that when I let myself get excited and look forward to it, the anticipation is always better than the reality. Just like sex – first time with someone new is not great, second time can be a bit crap, and it starts to get good on number 3. Or you realise you’re not sexually compatible.
Reading back over this, I’m shocked at myself. His indecision about what to do today irritated me somewhat. I suppose I like knowing what the plan is and sticking to it on dates. But how indecisive am I being about this guy?
Tune in soon for the next instalment folks. But that said, I probably will not see him again. Or maybe I’ll be in love. Who knows? I certainly don’t.