After The Love Has Gone

break ups


You’re probably expecting this article to be very maudlin, possibly with poignant bullet points about how to get over a sad break-up and how you must be strong and move on. Well you’d be wrong, because no matter how much friends, family and anyone who has an opinion tell you to do those things, it isn’t always that easy.


The aim of this article is to focus on how life ‘post relationship’ can actually be quite rosy, even when there are kids involved.


After an 8 year relationship including marriage and birth of a stunning little brunette, my ex husband and I decided to call it a day. We’d been married almost 5 years and suddenly realised that whilst we had accomplished a lot on the life experiences list, we’d kind of forgotten to enjoy it. So there I was, a single mum at 26, living with my mum and sharing bunk beds with my 17 year old sister! I wish I could say I was kidding.


Don’t get me wrong, the fall out was horrific, it was a constant battle to hide my emotions from my young daughter and not totally lose the plot, at the same time I was trying to negotiate a routine with her Daddy to claw back some normality. What is so surprising about this situation is that it took little or no time at all for us to just get on with it. I looked at the man who just 4 years earlier I had promised to love, cherish blagh blagh forever, and other than some left over feelings for him being such a good dad, there was nothing. To this day I still don’t fully understand where all those feelings went but we both readily agreed it was time to move on.


Now it’s another 3 years later and whilst I’m sure that under the surface I annoy the life out of my ex, he’s still a great dad and we can have a chat about our daughter on a day to day basis. Mostly we easily agree on things that concern her and even sometimes have a natter about how things are going with our new partners! Who’d have thought it? What’s also nice in a very weird way is that there is someone out there who understands how hard it is to miss the little one when she’s with the other parent. It’s heart breaking when I drop her off, yet I know he feels the same when she’s with me. But thanks to Skype and the like it’s getting easier.


So if you’ve just broken up, and you feel all is lost. Fear not, you never know you might just end up being friends… (without the benefits).