All or Nothing?

Friends with the exOne of the hardest things about breaking up is that not only are you losing a partner, but you’re also losing a friend.  A tough decision to make is whether to completely cut ties with this person or to try and remain friends. I’ve always been told that attempting to be friends with an ex is a bad decision and rarely works straight after a break up, you both need time to get over it before you can even think about being friends. So does it really have to be all or nothing? Unfortunately it often does, especially when you still love the person. There’s no way you can go from being intimate with a person to being around each other casually as if nothing happened, especially when you still fancy the pants off of each other. With time, being friends can sometimes be an option. The idea of being friends with my ex in the future is very appealing to me, after all he was such a huge part of my life. Whether or not it will materialise is something I’ll just have to wait and see.


I think one of the key questions you have to ask yourself when considering remaining friends with your ex, is will you be able to handle it when they eventually find someone else? If this is something you find difficult to even comprehend then you clearly aren’t ready to be friends with this person. The only way you’ll both be able to remain in contact with each other is if you’re 100% over the relationship and able to move on. If you’re able to witness your ex being with someone else without any feelings about it, then being friends will work. Unfortunately this kind of attitude may never happen for you. After all you once loved this person and may, therefore, always harbour some feelings for them.


Dealing with a break up is almost like grieving over someone as you’re dealing with the death of the relationship. What was once a huge part of your life is suddenly no more and you almost don’t know what to do with yourself. You’ve lost a lover and a friend and a huge part of your life now feels missing. So how do you deal with this? Your first instinct is to call your ex as it’s what you’re used to, after all you would talk to this person about anything. This is usually a bad idea. All the feelings you have for each other are most likely still there and it’s virtually impossible to have a normal conversation without all your old issues being dragged up. If the relationship ended badly then there might be resentment there and this is only going to drag you down further. Instead of calling them use your new found freedom to catch up with an old friend. Rekindle those relationships you might have neglected whilst being with your partner.


Instead of seeing your newly single life as something daunting, try and embrace it and see it as a chance to ‘do you’. Relationships can be very time consuming and emotionally exhausting. As a singleton your only real concern is yourself and what you want to do, not what your significant other is doing. Instead of having to call your overly possessive boyfriend on a night out you can relax and just enjoy spending time with your friends. Try and focus on the positives. Being single isn’t so bad, especially when you’re young! After all, there’s plenty of time for serious relationships in the future and who knows, maybe there will come a time when you can call up your ex for a friendly chat without any worries. Here’s hoping!


1 Comment

  1. Hannah says:

    I agree that its almost impossible to stay friends with an ex, the only ex ive ever been able to stay close to is the one that Im now marrying! so it says it all really!