Checkmate your casual date.

The older we get the more lessons we learn, often from theCheckmate Your Date mistakes we made with such gusto we didn’t see the warning signs ahead. As time passes we refer to our mistakes as experience.  Experience is the reason we stand when mounting street kerbs on a bike, the reason we have more patience with hot chocolate than we do cold, and the reason we double check the receiver’s name when we send a ranting text message about out boss’s incompetence.

Yet the hardest lessons I believe we ever learn are those concerning the heart.  Once bitten twice shy.  We would all like to say we are never going through that again.  When the truth is we just don’t know, and nobody ever really does.  Daters today can be seen to put so much thought and pressure onto a single date it’s pretty much doomed from the start…  Jeez guys – just take a minute will ya?

Okay, so nobody wants to be alone, especially when your Facebook news feed is saturated with your friends happy, smoochy holiday snaps.  Week nights are spent staying in with your parents and getting embarrassed whenever a the sex scene graces your 32 inch high definition plasma TV screen, and the only +1 you can get to go yet another gruesome twosome, coupley bork fest party is a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

We all know a friend who CONSTANTLY has a boyfriend or girlfriend or someone to text.  If you don’t, but you are always in a relationship, then its probably you and whilst I am no one to question the validity of my friends relationship.  I can’t help but feel there is something completely insincere about it all.  Which leads me to the conclusion: I’d rather risk the embarrassment of watching a few more sex scenes in the presence of my parents then to go from one meaningless relationship to another.

So what happens when we do meet someone we do, don’t (unless they do) like?  How do we know if they want the same things, do you have your suspicious he’s a player?  Here are the possible signs the boys a creep, don’t be the girl who starts feeling keen when he’s treating you mean.

Rule one!  Cool girls NEVER chase boys; I don’t care if he’s got a body like Vin Diesel or a face like Jude Law.  Chances are he knows it. Even if he makes out he doesn’t, paying too much attention especially if its not being reciprocated is never good, and will subconsciously send him signals he can do better than you.

The fame game!  Don’t ever try and compete with other women for his affections, if he truly likes you he will reject the other girls advantages, so he doesn’t ruin his chances with you.  Girls arguing in public, especially over a guy makes you look desperate.  This behaviour if anything will give him something to have a good laugh over with his mates.  Bare in mind how you will feel if he ends up dating her and how awkward you will feel if you ever see them together afterwards.

Your date ignores youThe text tag!  If he doesn’t text you back for more then a day take the hint.  He didn’t completely forget and he wasn’t busy for the whole day!  A text takes two minutes and if he cant find those two minutes out of a whole day, the chances are he’s either not that into you, or he had something better to do like play COD with his friends.  By subtly becoming unavailable, whenever he decides to reply.  You send out the message he can’t pick you up and drop you whenever he feels like it, becoming unavalible will make him work harder to get your affections as he may fears you have lost interest.

Actions speak louder than words!  Remember this wise saying.  If this guy says all the right things but his behaviour is contradictory. Maybe its time to wise up to the fact he may just be telling you what you want to hear!  Creepers are often charming that’s what makes them successful with women.

My place or yours!  What do you want from this guy?  Part of the fun a relationship offers is the early days.  Going go out for meal, the pub, the cinema, wherever?  It doesn’t matter.  This is not to say he should pay for everything, but I personally love the effort of courtship, dressing to impress and putting our best foot forward, only to watch those efforts fall to pot, as we try to hide the fact we spat when we laughed, or tripped walking down the road just as we were showing off.  If your guy is giving you minimum effort by inviting you round to watch a really good pirate copy of a film with a bottle of cheap plonk, chances are, he is more interested in seeing your dress on his bedroom/hallway/kitchen floor than on you.

Mate’s traits!  Does he talk about his friends and women?  Of course not always the case but people tend to hang around with people who hold similar values and interests.  From my experience, wolfs tend to run in packs!  So if his friends cheat on their girlfriends and have a easy come easy go attitude towards women.  Chances are he will too.

The ex!  Does your guy speak to his ex?  Is he on speaking terms with any of his ex’s, or more importantly are any of them on speaking terms with him?  If he has a poor reputation with more than one of his ex’s chances are there may be some grains of truth in it, hence you could be setting yourselves up for a fall.

Social networking sites! If we are going to live in this terribly technological wonder world of invasion and lack of privacy… well, we may as well use it to our advantage.  I’m not advocating Facebook stalking… much.  However, a little snoop won’t do any harm. Recent friend adds for example.  Are the majority women?  Of course it may just be a coincidence he knows a lot of women, but be prepared to accept you may not be the only one he is showing a keen interest in.

Stay confident, set your stall out and stick to it, if you find yourself putting up with behaviour you would usually deem unacceptable or you would be embarrassed to tell your friends and family about: it’s time to think about talking or walking.  Life is too short and there are too many people in the world to try and make one person your everything when, your not theirs!  As Cher once said ‘A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime, she can have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones’… If you don’t take it all to seriously that is.  A lesson we can put down to experience.


Maxine – Aug 19th 2010