Dating 101

Bad dateHands up anyone who’s heard the expression “It’ll happen when you least expect it”? Personally such a choice of words leaves me with the urge to start throwing things (preferably breakable objects) so hopefully I can’t be the only one feeling this way.


When you’ve been single for a while, certain things happen. Following a break up there’s the obligatory drunken nights out/in with friends saying that you can do better and they never like him anyway. Overly late alcohol fuelled statements aside, that’s stage one. Usually followed by subtle hints when you go out if any vaguely attractive/normal man is in the vicinity. Nudges, winks and “what do you think” all while your friends try not to look too obvious.


Sometimes this works, although like I did with a relationship you would prefer to forget. Thirty-three and no plans to move out? Warning bells should have sounded. Actually make that full volume sirens, but I didn’t listen. After a year of no dates, the idea of someone being interested was deafening and I went for it. Cue a month of occasional meet ups (which translated usually as staying in ) and being sneaked out before his parents realised I was there. The day you hear his mother calling that she has left his sandwiches for work in the fridge, it’s time to get out.


Ever had a man seem perfect until he did something completely innocent and you just thought “uh oh”? I met someone once who seemed great. Funny, friendly and with a really mince smile. Then he stood up and I came face to face with his abdomen. That’s right, while I measure in at an (apparently) on average 5 foot 3 inches, this guy was six foot and ten inches. And he had platform boots on.


Those are just two of the disasters. There was also someone who seemed lovely until the casual mention of a girlfriend. Live in. Another who barely came up to my chest (and like I say, am hardly tall) and though he might have found that was the perfect height, it didn’t work for me. Someone else who was almost twice my age…need I say more?


It seems that, while people call me a cynic occasionally, there’s some evidence based on past experience for me to be this way. It’s not that I don’t want to date; rather I’d prefer someone I like who doesn’t set alarm bells off or leave me wanting to run away. Just average height, normal(ish) with a great smile and who can make me laugh. Anyone got Adam Levine’s number handy?