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Determined or demanding?

77933-425x281-Bored_womanEveryone is unique, everyone is individual. Everyone has little quirks and habits which are annoying to others.  There are some things which are an absolute deal breaker for me.
The guy who grunts when aroused, the guy with the weird knuckles, the guy who is punctually challenged, the guy who is vertically challenged, the guy who thinks Stalin had the right idea, the guy who doesn’t believe in reciprocal oral sex, the guy who had very firm outdated ideals about women, the guy who had a hellacious chip on his bitter shoulder, the guy who refuses to acknowledge that my time is previous and I will not just sit around waiting for him, the guy who wants me to stop writing. All reasons I have stopped guys after a date or two.

With so much choice around thanks to the plethora of guys on dating websites, I refuse to see the benefit of wasting my time with an individual who I consider akin to scabies – aka under my skin in a ridiculously annoying way.  A somewhat Arbitrary attitude,  yes, but why go further into something with someone I know will irritate me too much?  It is unfair to both of us.  Too many women go into things seeking to change a man, remodel him into her ‘perfect guy’ and are frustrated at their lack of ability to ‘improve’ him.  Renovations belong in housing, not in humans.  Watch the Stepford Wives and you’ll appreciate just why this is a horrendous idea.  We recoil at a man trying to change us, but surely that works both ways ladies? Thus I will continue to casually date until I find who, and what, I want.

It’s been suggested that I am too picky, my standards are too high and I am in fact seeking excuses not to get involved as I am secretly waiting for James Pond to return from Africa. There’s no secret that I miss him. He was the best of the bunch, front runner in the race for my fair heart. But I am a realist, and I know that 6 months is too long to go without affection. Mind you the way it’s going at the moment I will probably be celibate by the time he returns out of sheer frustration!  My sensible friend recently suggested that I could jeopardise things with potential new men by being conflicted about James Pond. One email from him, and I spend the next 24 hours in a contemplative mood, interspersed with occasional bouts of a sugar high caused by a raging appetite, craving decadently sweet things and carbs, a severely-reduced bullshit tolerance and irritability at the smallest things.  (I hate being female sometimes….)  I’m really trying to not be into him! I wailed like a petulant child. I don’t want to spend the next 5 months fantasising about him in my dreams and waking up ridiculously sexually frustrated! Why can’t I make my heart and my hoohah listen to my head? To which she gave me that look. And I shut up. Because the truth is, which she and I both know, I will keep it friendly with him, and I will probably (consciously or not) keep dating unhappily, then come August I will either fall back into his arms and live happily ever after (in as much as 2 realistic humans can) or it won’t be there anymore. In which case I’d feel silly for having sort of waited.
But screw it. I like him. I just don’t want to get hurt or played for a fool. And I would REALLY love a week on a deserted Kenyan beach/safari trip with him. Just us, a wooden hit on poles, and an elephant wandering into our temporary living room. Mind you, I suppose a cobrabite really would be coitus interruptus indeed. so there goes my Serengeti fantasy – now evolved from Prince Harry to James Pond.
And really, do I think it fair to mess around with other guys when I’m seriously aroused by another man – the fact that I can’t have him is driving me nuts!  If I’m going to get into something serious and monogamous with someone else, he better be bloody amazing. Or I just cannot be bothered.

My point is this ladies – you don’t have to settle. Decide what you want, seek it, obtain it. Sure it’s not easy and plain sailing, and once you get there there are still obstacles and hurdles to be overcome. It may take a substantial amount of time, but that which we want, is worth the effort. It’s your heart, your happiness, and your life here – the most important things. You deserve no less than the best.



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