This topic seems to crop up a lot these days as the old traditional views are dying out. Attitudes have become more relaxed and open-minded to love, sex and relationships. Many people seem to be open to, the friends with benefits situation and I guess if it works then good luck. It’s not my ideal relationship as I love the benefits you get with a proper relationship. Someone there who you can be close to in times of need, times when you need someone to listen to you, times when you need to cry or let your stress out on, or just be there when you want to have a good time. But on the other hand, I suppose the friends with benefits situation means that you get to have fun without the bad times, free to do what you please.
But then again, what happens if one person starts to like the other a little too much? What if they fall in love with that person? What does that mean? Can they become a proper couple and share something more deep than just sex? But, then again what if the other person just wants to remain the way you are? What do you do then? Wouldn’t things become a little bit tricky? As many people quote, “You can’t help who you fall in love with; the heart wants what the heart wants.”
A lad I know recently became interested in a girl, he made a move on her but she made it clear she wanted no more than, no strings attached fun. Without thinking of the repercussions he agreed to this arrangement. They soon became having no strings attached fun and everything seemed like it was going fine. They were both getting what they wanted, so the plan was working out.
After a couple of months, he began to want more than a bit of fun, all he had longed for was a serious girlfriend, someone that he could share his life with. What was going to happen, would he get his wish? He expressed his feelings to her and told her how much he enjoyed her company and how much he actually had become to like her. Basically hinting at the fact he wanted to move the initial relationship to the next step and become an item.
She still held the view that all she wanted was to be “friends with benefits”, so the original arrangement continued. Every so often he would slip in the odd comment of how wonderful she was and how much he liked her. Eventually she gave in to his pestering and decided to become a proper couple. At this point, she seemed to lose interest, he barely saw her and it looked like things weren’t going to end nice. He continued trying to put a lot into the relationship; I believed it was so that he could keep hold of something that he had longed for, for so long. How long before he was going to see that she was just using him for her own needs? But then again, would he see her for what she truly was? Love is often blind to the truth so it was hard to say. After not seeing her for a week, he text asking if she just wanted to end the relationship as he was sick of putting a lot of effort into something that didn’t seem to be working. She decided that she wanted to just be friends as she didn’t feel the relationship was going the way it should. But she still wanted to keep the sexual part going. His heart was broken and to add insult to injury he was faced with the question, do I continue a no strings attached relationship just so that I have someone, or do I deserve better? The answer was he continued going back to her. Giving over the impression that she could treat him however she wanted and he would just continue going back for more. How will this end? I think it will end in more heart ache.
The lesson from this story would be to think before you make an instant decision if you are confronted with this same question. Consider if you want a proper relationship or if you’re just in it for the same thing, just to have some fun with a similar minded person. That way you won’t get hurt when things go bad, as you can’t force someone to feel the same for you as you do for them. In this type of relationship, more often than not, eventually end when either both or one of the parties decides they want to move onto someone else.
By Emma Routledge