Got To Be Cruel To Be Kind?

Friends‘Oh dear god just get a grip and get over it!’


As soon as these words left my mouth I could feel all my girlfriends stare at me in absolute horror. In hindsight it probably wasn’t the nicest thing to say to a friend who was struggling to come to terms with a bad break-up; however after months of her being anti social and indulging in self-pity I can’t lie and say it wasn’t needed.


Now I know you must think I’m cold hearted and mean but I do actually consider myself to be a very supportive friend. When a friend goes through a tough break-up I am there as a shoulder to cry on, I bring the ice cream, the chick-flicks and I am more than happy to sit through hours of ex-boyfriend bashing.


This is just part of a tried and tested post break-up ritual carried out by women worldwide and allows the dumpee to be pampered, indulged and be surrounded by her supportive girlfriends. This is eventually followed by a night out on the town, whereby you slowly rebuild her confidence and she reminded of the fact that there are many other, and much better looking, fish in the sea.


Now I know that I am bias, but my friend in question deserved so much better than her ex; he was a dead ringer for Wayne Rooney, in both looks and attitude, sponged loads of money from her and he didn’t have the greatest track record when it came to being faithful. Nevertheless I am fully aware that at the time she thought he was god’s gift and their relationship did last over a year so I understood the pain she must be going through.


Two months down the line however, and my amazing, funny best friend was starting to turn into a recluse. She was refusing to come on nights out or meet us for catch-ups; insisting she was too miserable to leave her house. Those rare moments when we would see her would consist of her talking consistently talking about her ex at any given opportunity as well as shooting evil glances at any of our friends who dared mention anything remotely nice that had happened to them recently.


While my friends continued to tip-toe around her I decided that enough was enough. It wasn’t because I was bored of listening to her drone on, well maybe a little bit, but I genuinely didn’t think that all this wallowing was doing her any good. It had been two months, her ex was already seeing somebody else and all of the texts she was sending him begging him to take her back meant that she was on the verge of looking desperate.


So at the risk of sounding like a bitch, I gave it to her straight. After listening to her tell us how she was up all night stalking him and his new girlfriend on Facebook I told her to get a grip. Whilst my other girlfriends looked horrified that I was being so blunt I knew that deep down they were relieved I was finally saying something. After telling her to get a grip I proceeded to tell her what a great girl she was and this break-up was a blessing in disguise. I also mentioned that she needs to have respect for herself before any decent guy will respect her; love yourself before others can love you.


It took a LOT of talking and convincing on my part but a month down the line and things are finally looking up. She hardly mentions him anymore and is starting to notice other men. Obviously every situation is different but I am a firm believer that at some point you have to be cruel to be kind. Break ups can be extremely hard, especially if they are one-sided; and when a girl gets dumped the best thing she needs are her friends tending to her every need. However there comes a point when you need to rip the band-aid off and accept the fact that life goes on.