Indecisiveness is part of who I am and probably always will be, but has it driven me in to singleville without pulling over to ask for directions?
Whether it is shoes that are pretty much exactly the same, what restaurant to go to for food, or what way to wear my hair, I have a mini fist fight in my head and when the bell sounds I am still no closer to deciding what I want. This way of thinking spills over into my love life and I fear that sometimes I have talked my way out of going after what I really want due to being scared of, wait for it, actually being happy. Before you know it, the guy who was awesome all along has been snapped up by someone who didn’t have blinkers on, while I am still in the starting blocks unable to catch up to where we could have been.
So is it a case of not knowing what I wanted at the time, or just realising you like someone because you can’t have them anymore. They say that you can’t always get what you want, but you get what you need, and I believe us girls need to learn from our mistakes just as much as men do.
Perhaps I have watched far too many movies and listened to Beyonce’s album one time too many, but I know what I want and what I don’t want, but this can become toxic when things don’t play out like an episode of The Hills; there is no Brody Jenner waiting to whisk me away down Hollywood Boulevard as Natasha Bedingfield reminds me the rest is still unwritten.
I’ve never been one for giving guys a fair chance; if I don’t feel something straight away then it’s pretty much game over and get your coat, but I am starting to think and feel that this could be the reason I haven’t met the right guy yet. Imagine if you treated potential friends in that way, you would be home alone most Saturday nights as everyone would think you were an evil cow.
Should I regret giving guys the brush off before getting to know them? Or am I just reacting on a gut feeling and vibe from the get go, I mean how you feel shows what you are thinking right?
Wrong; as deep down I knew I liked this guy, but I wasn’t in town for that long and his admiration for me so early on had me retracting to my shell. We went on a date and it was lovely, but when it came to the end of the night I scared myself out of kissing him and time felt like it was passing slower than Peter Andre’s album sales. But when I returned to London a month or so later I found myself actually missing him, and foolishly thought I had him in the palm of my hand ready to take out when I needed some attention. Epic fail, as he had started seeing someone else and didn’t give me the time of day, and in my selfish princess state of mind I ended up throwing a strop to rival any X Factor reject, which probably had him thanking his lucky stars he never put me through to the next round of dating.
He is now getting serious with this girl, and I am happy for him; I still believe that certain people are meant to be together and others aren’t, so my time will come. But when it does I will remember what happened, and won’t press my buzzer so early on the relationship talent; after all it’s always the Susan Boyle’s of this world who surprise us…