Joining match.com via week subscription to an iPhone app has made me reconsider online dating. The people on there are very different to my first site – a much wider range of people. It’s made me think quite a bit about the whole process.
Maybe online dating isn’t just about the other person. Maybe it’s about yourself – opening up to new possibilities, new experiences and new connections. Maybe you’re giving yourself permission to have hope and believe that no matter what your dating history, there is better out there and you can be happy and find love again. These are pretty powerful reasons to stay on it.
I’ve come to realise online dating is a microcosm of life. Not only do you find people from all walks of life on there, it represents what life is. You have some good dates, you have some not-so-great dates. Rejection and disappointment are par for the course, but so are passion, acceptance, fun and mystery. These things we all seek, and try to avoid the former. Impossible, but we do our best. So when I find myself getting frustrated, I remind myself that I won’t give up on life, so neither will I give up on romance.
So far, I’ve had a mixed bag, but nothing too traumatic. And the plethora of options as well as my new-found confidence (thanks to 6 months of self-imposed celibacy) gives me the freedom to state when I’m not interested, or not willing to be messed around. Guys play games. Girls do too. But I don’t. And I’ve not experienced girl games romantically, so I don’t know what they’re like. But I do know guys don’t necessarily help themselves. They play it cool out of fear of getting too involved and getting hurt, but they let an amazing woman slip through their fingers and rue it. I’m looking for a guy who appreciates what he’s got when he has it and holds onto it. Not possessive, not (overly) insecure, but mature enough to recognise a good thing.
But first, I need to meet a guy who I really connect with and could maybe see something developing with. Much as emailing and messaging are good, there’s no substitute for face-to-face interaction. And a little bit of good old fashioned smooching.