A fresh new interest. After being single for a while, you come across a man that ticks all the right boxes, and he seems to be showing an interest in you too – not something that comes around every day! And what’s more, he’s come to you at the right time, and nothing seems to be able to ruin this potential partnership. Apart from when you try to impress him.
It is always difficult to know when to stop with ‘impress mode’ at the beginning stages of lust. The perpetual inner questioning: Do I stop trying to impress him now, or will that make him stop wanting me? If he wants this woman I’m attempting to be, then maybe I should prolong this for a little longer; surely I can just faze it out? But by this stage it might all be too little too late.
Recently, after another failed first date, a male friend divulged into how annoying he finds it when women try to impress him, behaving like something they are obviously not and then just making a pig’s ear of the whole fandango. He explained that it was because of this that he then loses interest before he’s even been given a chance to get to know the woman he was interested in in the first place. He mentioned how he reads the same signs over and over again, and just doesn’t seem to get why women would sell themselves short like that.
He actually provided quite a sombre message about how we generalise men in those beginning stages, ‘Men aren’t leeches, you know; they genuinely care to know the real person’. Of course, as a woman who has gone through those stages with men before, I asked him how he could tell all the signs, even the subtle ones that we hope men never consciously pay attention to. Through an inner smile he answered, ‘Men notice everything, they just can never be bothered to explain ‘why’ to everything’.
To me, this was a real eye-opener. How is it that we are so willing to risk our potential relationships for a few simple errors in the beginning, that weren’t even a good representation of us, anyway?! So, after this discussion, I couldn’t help but wonder what general consensus us women have come to meet in order to lure in our men. It’s almost like the entire female population have sat down for the world’s largest lunch-break and agreed that, yes, this is indeed the sure-fire way to impress a man, when in fact, what we don’t know, is that it is more of a detriment than a benefit.
Consider me a non-fictional Andy from How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days, but I don’t end up getting the delicious spread-him-on-a-breakfast-waffle bloke at the end and making you all jealous, but just another woman with a lot still to learn about the male species.
First off, let’s consider the minor details that we think matter to how attractive a man finds us. Let’s start with fake eyelashes. The group of men that I asked/interrogated said that women wearing fake eyelashes really did nothing but intimidate them, and anyway, one of them said, if you were to be interested, there would be so much faffing when it came to the penultimate stage that the whole atmosphere would be lost as the woman piggles those rogue spiderlets from her lids. When described like this, you can see why men find this more of an off-put than an attraction. It’s those minor details that men really do not notice, and if they do it’s for all the wrong reasons. If you were to wear fake eyelashes, perhaps keep them meagre enough to not cause a fuss, whilst also keeping your peepers pristine. Perfect!
Woah woah, what’s that? Your new love interest finished a sentence? LET’S LAUGH. Ignore the fact that it probably wasn’t meant to be funny, but, regardless of that, let’s put on our hardy-har hats. No. It is somewhat true that men like to seem funny and in control of the conversation, but laughing at them rather than for them will only seem forced and a little childish. We are sophisticated, independent women, who don’t need to be at our man’s beck and call 24/7; we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be put in the backseat of the conversation from the get-go! Perhaps a gentle smile might just do the trick, instead. You’ll seem acknowledging of his comment, whilst also keeping the focus that this is a conversation between two people and not a comedy show. By doing this, you can contribute just as much, giving a good representation of your personality, and he’s not just witnessing a guffawing open mouth.
Oh dear lord, the men I asked stressed, do NOT drink to impress. It just makes the whole event sloppy and all you do is end up with bad memories. You do NOT want to be that woman who looks like she has plasticine for ankles, especially not when it’s a situation where composure is key! Keeping up with his drinking will only make it seem as though you have no limits, and it will be a whole First Teenage Drinking Experience again (we’ve all had one, surely). Try not to lose face, and remind yourself throughout the night that you don’t want to end up on your back! Perhaps meet for lunch in the afternoon to curb any bad habits, or treat yourself to a few glasses of wine, rather than the whole bottle. This may then keep the conversation running smoother without getting pedantic, and you’re also able to stand on two legs whilst doing so. Winning!
Other things mentioned were obnoxiously busty outfits, pretending to love football and videos when it’s evident that you couldn’t care less, and buying expensive presents too soon. Basically, men just want us to be ourselves. It might not seem that hard, but breaking out of a bad habit is a struggle, but one that will ultimately pay off in the end. Just think that you’re with a friend, chatting in the street, something completely carefree and non-committal. This will, almost always, work and will attract a second encounter. Behaving like someone you are not is something that I’m sure we’ve all done – and reaped the consequences – so give up the alter-ego and keep your day job of being exactly how you know to be. It will pay off in the end, and if it doesn’t, the man probably wasn’t even worth it, anyway. You’re more capable of being attractive, without any gimmicks, than you think you are, embrace it!