I know him so well… Or do I???

Romantic RelationshipI believe myself to have known my significant others very well… On an intuitive level it has felt right and I have not found myself questioning them or overlooking concerns within our relationship for fear of rocking the happiness boat…


My eleven-year relationship saw me knowing the good, the bad and the ugly of my then husband and despite it deteriorating unrecognisably, I am left in no doubt that I knew him completely. My new boyfriend I feel exactly the same about. I consider him an open book where I am concerned and I trust him implicitly… Moreover, I wouldn’t have it any other way…


In fact I am somewhat ashamed to say that I have, in the past, pitied people in ‘lesser’ relationships. Those whose world comes crashing down when lies are exposed… Deceptions including secret lives, unpaid debts, gambling and most commonly, sinful affairs.


It’s all so sad and I have often been relieved to be part of much more…


Ignorant, naïve and perhaps even arrogant – I hear you cry!!!


In recent months I have heard sorry tales from places I didn’t think they would come from. Whereas previously I would have been offering ‘but she must have known…’ now I find myself questioning how well we really know our men, or how well they know us or how well you can ever really know anyone – however close you consider yourselves to be.


Of course we can never read minds or know exactly what others are thinking. We can only know what they are saying or showing. Their innermost thoughts are just that – innermost, but is intimacy not about knowing our partners inside out?


I think so. After all, so much of relationships of the heart are about how it feels – deep down.


I know if I was a secret spy (which I kind of wish I was) or if I was having an affair with an Italian stallion (which I am kind of glad I’m not) I think I would give it away… With every look, every touch and every word to my boyfriend I would be betraying him and such a betrayal would surely be evident. He knows me, see. He sees through the ‘I’m fine’ when I’m not, just the way he would see through any lie or deceit I sank low enough to offer him. If this is extreme naivety or overwhelming arrogance then I accept it, rather that than accept the possibility that I, like so many others, are obliviously living a lie.


So do I just imagine this connection? Is it there, but does it die as a relationship progresses? Or do people really never know each other as well as they hope?


Every love is different I guess, but I conclude that in some relationships there is an emotional separation which precedes the physical. People start to care a little less, massaging their ideals for one another and themselves a little more, overlooking the negative inklings of concern and burying their heads somewhat… Maybe life just gets in the way of love at times and it is with this that betrayal can creep into the happiness boat, preparing to rock it fiercely when it’s least expected!


From these once tidal, but now less turbulent shores, I certainly hope I never get to experience the reality of such rough waters…