Anyone who has read my author bio on the site will know that I’ve managed to fit quite a lot of life into my short 28 years. Without wanting to put too finer point on the negatives, there have been a fair few low moments for one so young and inexperienced, however, my love of Psychologies Magazine and frequent emotional clear outs with my fiancé has helped me to focus on the positives, and never more so than now.
Putting a failed marriage behind you aged 26 is a pretty soul destroying process, as is learning the rules of being a single parent, living with your folks again and accepting the fact that online dating is an addictive pastime, nevertheless life does indeed go on and surely it can only get better?
I have regrets about my past, I think secretly everyone does whether you believe in all the sayings about never having them or not. Mine lay mainly in putting myself out to my own detriment; I am a terrible people pleaser and yet I often feel annoyed that I’m walked over, my own worst enemy! As a parent you might expect to hear of this selflessness, but my remit of being a door mat frequently extends to my family, friends, colleagues and even a few drunks over the years.
September 2011 poses a new chapter in life for me in two ways; firstly my second child is due to be born any day now and secondly, I have decided to use my young family as inspiration to go all out and achieve my personal goals, instead of berating myself for another 28 years for making the wrong choices and always putting others first.
Going through with my plan has taken some guts believe it or not, and the continued encouragement of my fiancé who despite his apprehension of being left by the wayside due to my renewed determination and drive, has helped to make my plans a reality. So 10 years after leaving school I have my first lecture in two weeks time, and I’ve never been so eager to learn something new! My boyfriend has bought and assembled a new home office for me to work from, as well as arranged time off to look after our girls so I can study, and even sharpened my Cath Kidston pencils ready for action. We’ve sat and number crunched until the early hours many times over the last couple of months, with him reassuring me that we will manage and that now is the time to focus on what I want. With the benefit of his unfaltering faith I feel like I might just be able to have it all.
I’m a little awed at how the support of my other half has made these seemingly huge life decisions so easy to put into practise. The fact that he is willing to sacrifice so much for me to fulfil my career dreams makes me wonder about all the times I sacrificed things for those closest to me and thought it unfair that I never got anything in return. For the next few months I’ll be spending evenings researching, attending conferences and writing up reports while he’s making bottles, helping with reading books and ironing school uniforms. I know he won’t complain about it, his selflessness is unbiased and he knows how much it means to me to succeed.
I have a new goal to add to my list for 2011, and that’s to find a middle ground between door mat and assertiveness. Let you know how I get on.