Miss Independent: It’s OK if You’ve Never Been in Love

Kelly ClarksonThis week American Idol winner, Kelly Clarkson openly admitted that she still had her love virginity, saying that “‘I’ve never been in love. I’ve never experienced certain things, and I think that’s because I have this side of me that is shut off.”


At 29 years old and not exactly harmful to the eye, anyone would think Ms Clarkson would be in the throws of a public love affair, after all she is smack bang in the middle of one of the hottest industries for same career hook ups. Yet she chooses to put her career first and has the balls to say she has not found someone worth breaking down the wall for. Some may see Kelly’s honesty as bitterness in the battle to find love, but I believe that her healthy attitude to modern day relationships puts the rest of us, who seem to be caught up in finding “The One” while the Countdown music adds on the pressure, to shame.


There are no set rules to dating or relationships, but there is a rough ideal of how things should be, which involves having a first love during your teens, probably dating at college and university, going wild on a few 18-30 holidays, getting into a few serious relationships, having your heart broken at least once (so you know next time it’s for keeps) and then forever searching for the one who deserves to see you at your best and can handle you at your worst.


I can relate to this ‘plan’, as I had a first ‘love’ at school, dated in my early teens and experienced a serious relationship which left me playing Mariah Carey songs until I felt strong enough to face the world again. Looking back I would say my first love experience was more infatuation and teenage dreams; yes he made me feel pretty without any make up on, but I wasn’t laughing when he told the punchline wrong, in fact the joke was on me when he kissed another girl on a night out and seemed to like it.


My second relationship was a case of love, but more in a friendship and having someone there at the end of the day sort of way. If I am honest the only time I felt on the edge of falling for someone was roughly a year ago, but again I wasn’t in a great place personally and a great dependancy from me to him was built because of this. So what is love? Friendship? Lots of sex? Reliability? I think all of the above, but with someone who you connect with on a level which has never been felt before, so in some ways I have never fully been in love.


Yes I have cried in front of exes, but truly letting someone in to the point where you trust them with that skeleton in the closet has yet to be seen. Therefore, I can relate to Ms Clarkson’s admission, and her confidence which calmly says ‘I haven’t been in love before, but so what?’


Kelly said that she wanted to wait until her 30′s before finding love, as it has a better chance of lasting. Call me an old romantic but I do like to think when you find that person who makes you see rainbows in a thunder storm it doesn’t matter if you are 25 or 65, it will stand the test of time.


Whether you have never been kissed, are still a virgin or refuse to date until Mr Perfect gets in touch, one thing is for sure; love can knock you for six, so just make sure the hatches are battened down in the other parts of your life ready for the storm.


Being a ‘love virgin’ is nothing to be ashamed of, I would rather have one great firework display than 5 sparklers that lose there glitz before they’ve even got going. Adopt Kelly’s attitude and enjoy time dating or to yourself, before you settle down with your own Mr Know It All.