Have you ever been so in awe of someone that you let him slip through the net? Have you ever dated a guy, fallen for him hard, and lost him because you just didn’t know how to deal with the emotions of being so into him?
When I was a 19 years old university student I had seen this sophisticated 6’5’’ or so tall guy who resided in the nearby student halls of residence at the end of my first year. I don’t think he actually noticed that I even existed. He was Mr Popular and toweringly tall, charismatic and had a cute smile. I watched him from afar as girls and guys alike seemed to swirl around him like a prom king. There were always herds of people around him.
Then began our second academic year. I returned a week prior to the start date and my housemate and I somehow ended up going to play pool with Mr Popular and his friend. I was further drawn in by his charms and attractiveness and that night we ended up cuddling and kissing and thus our story began.
I was swept off my feet with excitement. Everything happened so suddenly. I didn’t see myself as unnattractive but I never imagined I would be the girlfriend of choice of Mr Prom King (not that he was as this is the UK).
We dated for a few months but the relationship soon began to fall apart at my habitual 3 month mark. This was my average dating time with any guy. The difference with this guy was that I was REALLY into him. Some say I loved him but he was not one of my two loves… I know that. I was just very much into him! So much so that with hindsight I realise that this was probably why we broke up as quickly as we did.
No, I did not haunt him everywhere he went, I did not act possessively, I did not make silent phone calls to him late at night, I didn’t stalk him with a wig on and I didn’t show too much affection in front of others. In actual fact I was so gob-smacked that I was dating Mr Prom King that I never actually had any real confidence and that’s one of the reasons I feel the relationship fizzled out so quickly. Stupid, I know. I completely struggled to behave like his girlfriend because I still had not accepted in my mind that I was his girlfriend. Why? At that time I never recognised what I had to offer to the male race as a girlfriend. I am and was incredibly warm-hearted and fun-loving and ironically, Miss Popular too but I never had the confidence to go with it when it came to this particular boyfriend. It still baffles me to this day why I lacked so much confidence.
Why I didn’t fully enjoy the time we had together because I was so shell-shocked that he had chosen me is something I can never change. As the years have gone by it’s the one relationship that has left so many unanswered questions in my head.
When he broke up with me he stated that there was no future as his father would never accept me, me being an ethnic minority and him being white and that he doubted mine would accept him. That begs the question, was he using this as an excuse or was it a very real reason/part-reason for him ending things? Maybe he was actually developing deep feelings for me as I was for him. I guess I’ll never know the truth.
We maintained an on/off fling for some months. One evening he turned up at my doorstep looking extremely distressed. He sat in my bedroom and sincerely apologised for not treating me better as he knew I had been nothing but sweet and loving and yet there were a few things he could have done differently.
Whilst Mr Popular could have treated me better and regardless of his concerns about our fathers not accepting each other’s choice of partner, I know one thing for sure… my lack of confidence wrecked any chances we had of maintaining a mid to long-term relationship. Everything works out for the best in the end and ironically… I married a white guy. Funny isn’t it! Whilst everything works out as it should, many years on I now realise:
If you have no confidence in yourself, you will lose confidence in your relationship
If you have no confidence in yourself, your partner will probably look for someone who has
If you have no confidence in yourself, you won’t enjoy the great relationship you have
If you have no confidence in yourself, he’s unlikely to fall head over heels in love with you
Successful dating is a two way street, make sure you believe in yourself and get the meaningful relationship you deserve.