Two weeks ago I went on my third date with Richard. I went to his house. He cooked. We drank. He said he would text me at the end of the week and we’d get together over the weekend. It was lovely. I never heard from him again.
A while back I dated Ted for six weeks. He talked about getting his friend around to sort out my surround sound, about me going to his next gig, in a few weeks time. It was lovely. I never heard from him again.
Now either these guys were lying or they’re both lying in a ditch somewhere with both their index fingers amputated. And the more I think about it, the more I realise that I am actually still officially dating numerous men all over Greater Manchester who somehow forgot to mention the minor detail that they didn’t want to see me anymore.
Now I know that most of these men are decent blokes, professional at work, loyal to their friends and good to their mothers. (And I know this because I am very good friends with several men that do this exact thing). So why is it OK for men to lie when it comes to dating?
I’m not just talking about a casual “I’ll call you” at the end of a first date; I’m talking about guys who you’ve spent some degree of time with, shared experiences, thoughts, feelings and in some cases, your bed.
My friend Mark takes this approach with his dates because he thinks it saves their feelings. It doesn’t. It saves his because he never has to see her wondering if maybe her phone has stopped working or sitting with her friends with a frustrated look on her face, asking “Why did he say he wanted to see me again if he didn’t?” It’s lazy, cowardly and unnecessary. And ironically Mark is extremely critical whenever a bloke does this to me.
We wouldn’t tolerate this sort of behaviour from a supplier at work, a family member or friend so why do we have to accept it from the less fair sex? In my younger days, I would have contacted them, only to be further ignored or feel like some sort of psycho stalker. These days I just lie down and take it. As we all know, if he’s not calling then “he’s just not that into you”. Besides which, I don’t want to date someone who doesn’t have the courage to say that they don’t want to date me.