Splitting up with someone is hard, our emotions are all over the place, and we just want to hide in our beds and come back out when the pain is gone, only that’s not how things work, so we go out and get drunk instead, and all too often we manage to take our ex home and happen to sleep with them, and we always use the same excuse…. Old times’ sake!
When we split from a partner, we feel a deep sense of loss, because we realize that a little part of us goes with that. In a relationship you offer yourself to someone, you open up about yourself, you tell your partner your deepest fears, and your biggest secrets, because there is a complete trust, so when that is taken away, a little part of you goes with it, and the only thing that can repair that (yes this is cliché) is time, not sleeping with them over and over.
When the relationship is over, we probably all ring a friend, and we all want to go in to town, a few beers, a bottle of wine, cocktails, and any number of shots, and before you know it, we’re struggling to stand, but we have a clear enough mind to know who our ex is, so when they’re also in town, that alone is a bad cocktail. Two people who know each other intimately, want to be close to someone, they want to feel loved, and they want to wake up next to someone in the morning, which means this can only go one way, and that’s to someone’s bed.
What it’s worth thinking about when we are wanting to do this is the pain we felt when our relationship broke down, because come the morning, that pain will still be there, and it will be made harder by watching that same partner walk out the door again. When we lay next to this person all we really do is think about how much we love them, how much we want them back, and how much we don’t want the morning to come. We stay awake watching them sleep, why? Because we still love them, and that doesn’t go away over night.
Come the morning, both of you will try and get on with things and pretend nothing has happened, but it has, and at least one out of the two would love for the relationship to work again, unfortunately the other will put it down to the two of you been drunk. When they go, we feel the same pain we always feel when they’re leaving, all the time just making it harder for ourselves.
Before we take our ex home, we need to try and remember the pain we felt when we first split from them, the sense of loss, that emotion that ran through us, because when we feel that again, we realize that we can actually change this situation, and stop anything from happening. Before we get in to bed with our ex, we need to ask ourselves if we are going to be upset when they leave tomorrow, we need to ask if we still love this person, because if the answer is yes, then sleeping with them is not the best thing we can do.
Sleeping with the ex is an easy thing to do, it’s saying no that’s hard, but it can be done, before you go out on a night out, if the ex is going, let them know that you don’t want anything to happen, let them know you want to be able to get over them, and all this really does is make it harder. If you can do this, then moving on will happen quicker, it might not be easy, but in the end, you realize that this is better for both parties.