Should We Change To Suit Our Man?

relationshipsOh, for those moments of weightlessness, as we drift through life on a high of magical euphoria. The reckless abandon and tender kisses shared over the dinner table. The beginning stages of lust. We caress each moment until we squeeze them so hard they slip from our grasp and slide away. Who could blame a person for wanting those moments that flourish to last forever?


What we don’t notice in the beginning stages is how lenient we are to that special someone, how we willingly give up what we thought were so essential, because now there is a bigger necessity in your life. The same goes for the men (even if they aren’t open to admitting it).


Understandably, ‘changing to suit our man’ does sound incredibly weak. Without-a-backbone fragility, some might say, when in fact it is entirely unavoidable, and what I believe is one of our saving graces in relationships. Think of yourself as suitably adapting rather than being somebody you are not. Think of it as sparing the pointless arguments as opposed to side-stepping them. In doing so, we learn how to experience a relationship the way it’s supposed to be: reciprocal, thoughtful, caring and accommodating. We take time out of our busy schedules to consider another’s feelings; we perhaps turn over our favourite programme so that, together, you can both watch a film you both equally enjoy. No no no, hold onto your hats, I’m not saying that we should be our man’s door-mat, far from it, but in order to allow that sweet balance of independence and unity we do have to, dare I say it, (minorly) change.


I bring this topic to attention as I recently came across one of the early Youtube videos of Professor Green (the cheeky Hackney rapper with a tattoo the size of Amsterdam on his neck), with a song called ‘Stereotypical Man’, which shocked me into submission with the out-and-out uninhibited, but embarrassingly realistic, commentary about what a modern relationship really is like. As expected, there are only one or two traces of the video in Green’s archive (if that even is Green, due to the haphazard pixels that dot around in the shape of a person, singing to a beat), as means of not besmirching his name as the likeable mischievous rapper, typically adored by women. And, in that respect, I can see his record label’s reasoning.


See for yourself; the lyrics can be described as nothing less than dumbfounding, but does give an exaggerated and comedic outlook on how women and men see each other in a relationship. SPOILER: May involve criticisms to your gender.


“Some women say we’re all the same, we’re all as lame as one another and ought to change. See, this is probably true. I’m a stereotypical man, that’s a reason, not an excuse…


This means that I don’t clean up and I always leave the toilet seat up…


What do women without issues and unicorns have in common? They’re both myths, neither exist”.


Alas, I am not a lyricist and I did not make these lyrics up, the video link is right here if in need of additional awful truths.


Arguments ariseSo, in conclusion, men are lazy and disrespectful, and women are always complaining. Charming… but doesn’t it sound familiar? Yes, these are the stereotypes that are given to either gender, and is typically why most relationships end. We act out these parts because we don’t consider the repercussions half of the time. Let’s be honest, how many times have you heard one of your girlfriends say, ‘I went into the bathroom after he had been in there, and there was pee, just, everywhere… then we ended up having a massive row and I made him sleep on the sofa’. Or, from a man’s perspective, ‘Yeah, she just kept nagging me in the car about this girl she thought I’d checked out earlier. It just got to the point where I had to tell her where to go’.


For years our species has been trying to find mappings of ‘the perfect match’, done in the most time-effective manner: internet dating. Most people use it as an excellent source of personality and partner matching, which is all well and good, but a man and a woman unavoidably show hints of these aforementioned traits that not even a compatibility test could fix overnight.


It’s just what we do as humans, there’s nothing wrong with that! But what we are capable of is meeting in the middle. Think Lady and the Tramp, think Sex and the City: The Movie, the first one, where Miranda and Steve run to meet in the middle of the Brooklyn Bridge. It is, after all, plausible that we could walk away from a conflict, whilst our man picks up his dirty socks that have been hanging from the banister for a week. Idealistic, and so so manageable. There really is no excuse; if you believe you love the one you’re with, then don’t let anything get in the way of your happiness, because ten, twenty years down the line, those same arguments that you averted early on could’ve been the life-vest that helped to save your relationship when it suffered the stormiest of patches.