Am I the only one tickled by the idea of missed encounter adverts? The premise is that you write in either to a newspaper or a website and describe someone you met on public transport but didn’t have the guts to talk to, in hopes that they too will then see it and recognise themselves and fall into your arms forevermore, amen.
I am sincerely wary of such people because at the end of the day – you snooze, you lose. As much as I may roll my eyes at those whose idea of wooing a lady is ‘Oi, oi, sexy!’ or any other such questionable line – at least they seize the day. Surely every woman wants a man that has the guts to approach her if he is interested? Call me old fashioned but there is nothing wrong with a man with balls. Still there may be many ladies who are all about equality in the ‘hunting’ process; if this is the case, this will apply to you too: man up! This is not the way to live.
Anyway, I was mildly amused by the collection of missed encounters I came across (as you do):
Black guy on Northern Line, Tuesday evening. You got off at Bank. I stayed on. You were hot!
- White shirt
This person is clearly lying, or at least confused – no one hot ever really travels on the Northern Line. It is the line filled with people with varying degrees of facial hardships. The truth is, that guy probably got off at Bank because he realised he was on the wrong line. I am also convinced that that this kind of behaviour makes people think that stalking is perfectly acceptable – yes, this is how it all starts.
Every morning at Lee Station, I’m eating fruit, you’re eating a cereal bar. Dinner?
- Banana Man
The jokes could write themselves really, but let’s be serious for a moment. If you realised that this man was talking about you – would you even want to meet him, really? The only tempting thing about the whole affair would be the free meal; my response would be to find alternative routes of transport. I just don’t understand – if you see someone every day, why are you doing this? Why? You might as well hire your friend to feed her the ‘my mate fancies you’ line. It’d be a lot quicker.
Then there is this one…
You’re the Dutch girl who works for Shell and takes the bus south. We talked about love. Please find me from my dreams.
- Guy from The Slug, Waterloo
Did this girl look like she was a walking sat nav, O Guy from The Slug? How is she going to find you from your dreams? Does that even really make sense? My estimations of this guy are slightly higher than the rest because he at least talked to her. He still didn’t follow through though.
To sexy Wendy on Fleet Street. Elope with me?
- Your Peter Pan
How far does this guy think he’s going to get by comparing himself to the boy who never grew up? If it didn’t really work for Michael Jackson, it certainly won’t work for you, my friend.
Still, maybe I am being unfairly harsh – alas, who am I to get in the way of, er… love?