The Ex-Factor

dating your friend's ex‘Never date a friend’s ex’ is quite possibly one of the biggest relationship rules going. It is an unwritten rule that we expect should go without saying; even though they no-longer date your friend that does not mean that it is acceptable for you to date them yourself.


However, I have recently been presented with an interesting situation which has forced me to rethink and question all of the above.


I have a friend; we’ll call her Jill, who was in a long-term relationship with a really nice guy whom I shall refer to as John. They were never the perfect match, but their relationship was happy enough although it wasn’t without its share of arguments. However, about eighteen months it was no longer working, they decided to call it quits and parted on good terms. A year on and Jill is now extremely happy and settled in another long-term relationship with a guy who is much better suited towards her.


I had not seen John since the split, up until very recently when I spotted him out with another close friend of mine who will be known as Sarah. They have been secretly dating for a month and while it was certainly a shock at the time, I can now see how perfect they are for each other. Sarah and John make far more sense than John and Jill ever did and I can’t believe nobody ever spotted it before.


However, Jill has heard the rumours and has gone around saying that she would be absolutely livid if they proved to be true and would no longer consider Sarah to be a friend. I have to say that I would completely understand Jill’s reaction if John had dumped her, broken her heart and they had parted on bad terms. As it stands they parted on extremely good terms, she has said on many occasions that she no longer has feelings for him and she is extremely happy with her new partner. Sarah is an extremely loyal friend who would not deliberately go behind someone’s back and she and John are only sneaking around as to not hurt Jill’s feelings. I know that she would not have even embarked on this relationship unless she was absolutely certain of her feelings for him so I can’t help but think that this might be the real deal.


It would be a shame if a perfectly good friendship would be ruined over this, especially when John is simply guilty of not meeting Sarah first as I believe that he and Jill would have never got together had this been the case. It cannot be easy to see your ex move on with your friend, but if you have found happiness with someone else then why would you begrudge them finding the same? Just because you meet someone first it doesn’t mean that they were meant for you.