The Only Way Isn’t Essex – Or Your Ex

Relationship break ups - top tipsI never thought I’d say this, but I really feel for Lauren Goodger. Having watched the first two seasons of TOWIE, I wasn’t a fan. I know it’s all in the editing, but she really struck me as an insecure selfish bitch. I thought she just needed to get over her ex and stop saying they were sleeping together (who knows whether it was/is true?)  I was definitely much more on Lucy’s side. That said, 10 years with Mark Wright would probably damage anyone’s mental health.  But reading about her in this week’s Closer, I really feel bad for the forlorn, unhappy, lonely person she has become.


The weight gain is not something to mock, it is a manifestation of internal angst. Not to mention something so many of us have done. I’m writing this while eating Percy Pigs. Yes, not healthy, but I refuse to feel bad about it. Eight months after it ended, I’m back to my pre-relationship weight. Lauren has gained weight since the split; I did it when I was unhappy in my relationship. But we’ve all been there in one way or another.  Everyone deserves to be treated well in relationships, and for all her faults, it’s hard to move on from a relationship. Especially if they were a massive part of your formative years and your first love. But being around the places and people that remind you often just does not make it easier.  So how do you get over a broken heart?


My methods are somewhat obvious, but I know that they work.  I call it my 12-step trick (programme being a copyrighted trademark).  And a lot of it (though I’d never have told her at the time) is advice I got from my mother. The rest is tried-and-tested.


1) Let yourself feel. Cry, scream, shout, laugh and breathe. But let it come out.


2) Rely on the people who love you unconditionally. Whether family or friends (or if you’re lucky both) talk to them and let them support you. Even if you have blown people out and stopped being a good friend to them when you got with your ex, talk to them. Apologise for it (but only if you truly mean it) talk about the impact of your behaviour and try to repair it. Yes it may be hard but if they were a true friend in the beginning they’ll understand. They love you and want good things for you and will likely be glad to have you back. But don’t use them for therapy – friendship is two-way. Romance doesn’t last forever; true friends do.


3) Get a change of scene. Now may not be the time to move to a new area and start again for some (although it works for me) so if you don’t fancy making new mates in a new town, go on a girly holiday. A week or three in the sun will make things a whole lot clearer. Not to mention the foreign eye candy showing up your ex’s physical flaws. Somewhat voyeuristic, but if it helps go with it.


4) Try to eat healthily; it really makes you feel so much better than junk. The odd pig out is okay, but doing it on a regular basis will mess up your body and your moods, and damage your self-esteem, starting the cycle Lauren now finds herself locked in.


5) Conversely don’t starve yourself. See point 4.


6) Don’t drink too much. It leads to dangerous situations and regret the morning after (not to mention the hell of the hangover). I’m not advocating abstinence, but a modicum of self-control.


7) Think and talk about other things. The world hasn’t ended because you’re no longer with your honey.


8 ) Have / Don’t have a rebound fling. But enjoy it for what it is and don’t get too attached. Having done it 4 times, I’d say they have a 50 percent success rate. But only you can know whether it’s a good idea. If it will make you feel worse when it ends (and it WILL; rebounds never last) don’t do it. Enjoy the attention and leave it there.


9) Remember his flaws. ‘Nough said.


10) Remember all the moments you realised how unhappy you were with him. There’s time to remember the good stuff later, but you’re trying to get over it.


11) Think of all the amazing things you can do with your new freedom – and do them! Think of all the exciting people and orgasmic sex that’s yet to come. Life is full of possibility.


12) Don’t hate your ex.  They meant something to you for a reason. Yes they’re not there anymore, but there were some good things about them. Warning – only attempt this step once the others have been completed. Only once you’re over them as a lover can you consider being friends – and it still may be too soon (if at all possible).


Try all these things, but most importantly give yourself time.  You control your life and only you can make yourself move on. And if you come up with any more tips, please let me know. No doubt I’ll be there again one day.