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THE SINGLE BED: Man shopping

Last week I joined eHarmony, after an enormous amount of peer pressure was piled on top of me to do so…mainly because this is the only thing that is on top of me.

I still find it somewhat hard to believe that I will suddenly become irresistible to the men of London just because there is now a dedicated webpage out there with my face on it, along with my somewhat sad personal details. I walk around Notting Hill everyday, and no one has tried to click on me yet. I have considered screen-printing a call to action on my t-shirt to help things along. So I remain skeptical that I will meet the love of my life (the week at least) on a website.

A friend of mine is about to marry a man she met on a dating website, and it is stories like this that make it impossible for me resist the lure of the online profile any longer. This, and of course the fact that I can actually hear my ovaries trying to club me to death for ignoring them.

I am unsure who develops profile questions for a dating website, but I am sure that they are not single, and I know that if I ever met them I would like to take a swing at them. What the hell is the point of asking a 34 year old woman ‘what can’t you live without?’ when the blindingly obvious answer is ‘a man.’ I am sure I can live without designer shoes, coffee, holidays and my phone. I know this, because I have not set up a profile to attract any of the aforementioned.

Several years ago eHarmony was asked to amend its advertising when it claimed that a certain percentage of American’s who married every year had met on eHarmony…their figures were apparently as exaggerated as my profile. They also failed to mention that they were unable to find a match for 20% of people who registered on the site…I shutter to think what they said they could not live without!

I suppose I should be relieved therefore, that every morning when I log on, there are a gaggle of men which the site has deemed are compatible with me. After being asked 258 profiling questions though, I feel that they overlooked the most important question for the sake of my would be suitors – ‘did you engage in a conversation today with your toaster?’ Sadly the answer is ‘yes,’ and therefore I am not sure that I have been adequately screened. The same cannot be said for people who have been married more that four times, as they are not deemed suitable for the site at all.

So I will give it ago, and if all else fails I will put a tie on my toaster and take it out to dinner. It’s paying though…

 

Sally Beerworth




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