THE SINGLE BED: Romeo & Julienne Potatoes

Valentines DayI think you know you are out of practice with men, when a guy asks you out for dinner on Valentines Day, and you decline saying that Monday is quiz night in the pub. The fact that I haven’t lit a candle since before electricity became popular is another sign.

It’s unlikely that my date would have be taking me anywhere that I would have a chance to win a bottle of cheap rose champagne for answering a series of questions..when I think of it like that a pub quiz really is a date. On the other hand, sadly there is zero chance that anyone will be going back to my place after the pub quiz. This will come as great relief to the girlfriend I normally do the quiz with.

To make our Monday night pub quiz on Valentines Day less weird (a little less weird,) we have rounded up some single friends to do the quiz with us. We even managed to convince the pub manager to promote the night as a singles quiz night…. it might go without saying that if you are doing a pub quiz on Valentines Day you are single…actually doing it on any night probably speaks volumes about your love life.

Actually I am worse that single; I am dating.

So I find myself with a date for lunch on Valentines Day instead, as I passed on a dinner…maybe I could get a doggy bag to enjoy on the night too? I am unsure whether lunch on Valentines Day really counts as a date…I have always associated the dark of night with romance..maybe that’s just because its the only time I can find someone to snog me?

I am also unsure what to expect from a third date that takes place on Valentines Day. I sort of feel sorry for the guy (not only because he is dating me,) but because it is unlikely that he will be able to do anything right on the day.

I mean if he goes over the top on the romance side, it will be slightly uncomfortable. I don’t know him well enough to accept a teddy bear…or edible underwear. Unless of course they are chocolate. I will also be disappointed if he doesn’t make any gesture. After all, every shop I have walked past for the last week tells me that I should wake up on the 14th with someone in my bed (ideally also a spare in the shower), and that there should be a forest in my living room. As it stands there is a very sad pot plant from Ikea begging to be released into the wild…and no one in my shower.

So I will go to my Valentines lunch and my valentines quiz. I secretly hope that one of these functions gets me more worked up than the other. I know that I can rely on the chips in the pub will get me going, even if everything else fails.


Sally Beerworth