The other day I had my first out and out cry about not having any children or being pregnant yet. It was a a bit of a shock I can tell you, not least of all to my fiance!
I have heard about these hormone jangling feelings, but assumed the tears, the wailing and the emptiness belonged in the bodies of much older, more “mumsie” women.
I am 28, which is still perfectly young and I’m not one of those women who ovulates the moment a baby is in sniffing distance. So it was extremely odd that upon hearing the news of a friend’s pregnancy I decided to throw a tantrum rather then sending them unbridled congratulations. You will be relieved to know that said friend was on the phone relaying the news to my other half, I didn’t just burst into tears and roll around on the floor in a selfish flap in front of her! The fact I got up and left the room was probably rude enough.
All I managed was a half-hearted “Oh, that’s nice” as my fiance bounced about excitedly. I then went to move things about in my bedroom. Whenever I feel the need to move things about you know there is something wrong. And I felt completely wrong. In that instance all I could think about were the exclamation mark filled Facebook status updates of countless friends announcing baby bumps, or all the pictures of new mums holding up tiny little lumps of child. I suddenly felt very empty and very teary.
This particular pregnancy news came after countless other births and scan trips and I suddenly felt overwhelmed by it all. It was the moment the infamous biological clock started ticking away. Since that odd, self-centred little moment I have found my eyes peering more keenly into prams, I’m suddenly fascinated by pregnant women and see them as INSANELY beautiful and mesmerising. I’ve also started wondering what folic acid is more.
28 might be young, but from 25 onwards you have to deal with everyone around you getting married and spawning. It’s made ten times harder when every little event from conception onwards is beamed onto social networks in apparent real time. That ol’ biological clock will never tick quite so quickly as when it’s trying to keep up with on-line due date countdowns.
My fiance, it has to be said, was more than a little weirded out by my turn. It is hard to explain these feelings to myself, let alone a man. But after I had calmed down I tried to reassure him that I wasn’t going mad nor was I intending to enforce pregnancy on us. I may be a bit broody, but I’m not Ronnie Mitchell just yet. My advice to anyone having these feelings would be to not overtly show them in front of your other half if you are in no way ready for a baby or if the subject hasn’t be broached before. Talk to a girlfriend instead, or even better, someone whose had a baby. As much as the mums around me would never change anything, most of them tell me to wait a while!
I have realised that pregnancy is something that DOES happen to a man AND a woman and to react so OTT regarding pregnancy in front of him is a sure fire way of alienating him for a few days. It also may lead him to feel that he isn’t good enough anymore and that you think something is missing in your relationship. So if you start to feel a bit clucky pick up the phone and call a friend, she will understand a lot more and won’t feel freaked out or abandoned.
I of course wish all the new mums, dads and the “to-be’s” around me all the love and luck in the world and will learn to wait more patiently for my turn.