Acceptance + freedom = happiness


The moment you realise you are completely free of all feeling toward your ex is an amazing moment. After splitting most people realise their ex wasn’t right for them, but still hurt when they dwell on it. The broken plans, broken home, feeling of having to start over – again. Although you stopped your rose-tinted wailing long ago, and you’ve remembered all the bad times, you are only over it when you can think of them and not feel anger/sadness/betrayal/ all of the above. You hope they can get on with their life, and though you’ll never be friends, you no longer want to kick the crap out of them.

Mine came when I was clearing out the last box of my stuff from the emergency move home months ago. Before, I couldn’t bring myself to go through it. It was too painful, like finally admitting it would never be between us and letting go. But when I finally did sort out said emotionally-overloaded box, it was just odds and ends in there, momentos and bits of paper with random words and scribbles on it. Our research into emigrating to Canada? In the recycling. Our trip across Russia? In the recycling. MY trip across Russia? Memorised, dates chosen and hotels being looked into (for planning a travel budget). In short, MY life plans back on track and a feeling of being free. Acceptance comes from a place of viewing it as a lesson learned, and you are destined for better things (including better men and better sex).

Other signs you’re truly over them:

Recalling any memory, whether good or bad, causes no sadness. It’s just a memory of an experience and no longer holds any emotional significance.

Walking / driving along a certain street doesn’t faze you. You forget that place X was your place. You can go in there with friends, alone, or with a date, and not be bombarded with thoughts of your ex.

Saying their name no longer causes mental anguish or physical pain. Now, it is just a name. A name which millions of others share, and if it’s a common name you find yourself using it talking about others without thinking of your ex.

You feel complete as you are, and their absence has become a memory rather than a missing limb. You enjoy having the bed to yourself and have stopped waking up wondering where they are. You feel truly grateful they are out of your life, like a weight has been lifted off your enburdened chest and you can breathe again.

You look forward to dating again, having long conversations about things that really matter to you with guys who are on your level intellectually. You may not ever truly forgive them for what they did, or yourself for getting played, but you finally understand that not all men are bad and one day you will trust another.

You want to get pelvic with other people, and start wearing matching underwear again. And shaving your legs for dates, despite it being autumn.