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Epiphany

imageIt’s amazing, the things you miss. The little red 1 on your Facebook page, your phone lighting up multiple times during the day with another sweet nothing text, the photo of you two that fills the screen when he calls.

It’s also amazing when you realise that you don’t actually mis HIM. The break-up break-through comes when it dawns on you that you are seriously better off without him. Before then, it’s hard to reconcile the person you fell in love with with the person they became. Until you realise he wasn’t good enough, you spend hours agonising and analysing, questioning if it was your fault, if you did something to make him this way, and if that lack of confidence was in fact what made him be repulsed by you. Then – eureka! the lightbulb blinks on, the angelic chorus harmonises, and you feel a rush of relief that you are no longer involved with someone who brought you down, made you doubt yourself and treated you so shoddily.

This powerfully potent and heady realisation makes you pull your head out of your arse. I now see that I couldn’t have been a better girlfriend to him. The issues are his to work through. It wasn’t about me. It would be nice to be able to hate him, but I’m not a natural bitch. Much as I’d love to roundhouse my stiletto into his larynx, then his saggy scrotum,nand I’m bloody angry at what he did, I am choosing to channel my anger into a force for good. Focusing my energy and love on myself and my friends and family. Spending the extra £30 on the weekly food shop, on a gorgeous top I’ve had my eye on for a while. Bringing out my poor neglected beautiful heels, and buying new ones. I now have 2 dates for my brothers wedding – my gold LK Bennett Sledge heels. Way more reliable than a man.

So here are my reasons why it’s great to be single:
More money for me
More time to do what I want
Having the bed to myself – no more duvet stolen, no more kicks, no more arm across the small of my back
Freedom and independence
Don’t have to depilate unless I want to
No nosing into what I’m eating
Only having to cook for myself
No nasty father in law
No moaning about leaving clothes in a pile on the floor
No more second-guessing
No stressing about pregnancy
No more wondering if its really love
No more feeling trapped
Holidays are solely where I want to go
No more damage to self-esteem

Of course, there are downsides to singledom, but for now it’s all about my happiness. Because if I don’t look after it, clearly a man won’t.



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