I’ve not had the most sparkling, sizzling, smooch-filled, sociable, spine-tingling of summers. But it was what it was, and as much as I love hot weather, the calm dependability of autumn will be refreshing.
I don’t expect to spend my autumn with anyone. I’ve come to understand, at a bone-marrow level, that Mr Mindfuck and I were not destined. For now, it’s all about moi. I’m looking forward to wrapping up in wooly snoods and berets and faux-fur-lined capes and big socks…. Mmmmm. But just in case I do happen to get back on that Spanish Bull known as dating, and feeling inspired by Gibbs’s rules in NCIS, I’ve come up with the following:
Don’t get involved with co-workers
Don’t date married men
Don’t date fathers
Never date a guy who looks better than you in skinny jeans
Don’t give a cheat a second chance
Never second guess yourself in a relationship
Only lie if you have to. If you do, make it believable
Never take tomorrow for granted – it might end tonight
If you feel like you are being played, you probably are.
If you think he has short man syndrome, he probably does
If you’re that unhappy, walk away
Your orgasm comes first
Never let a relationship undermine your identity and self-esteem
If he seems the controlling type, slash his tyres and run for the hills
Ensure he is as good to you as you are to him
Learn from your mistakes
Don’t go there with an ex
Now lets see how long before I break my own code…..